Pure Massacre // Billie Joe

(4)

Billie Joe

A deep sigh escaped my lips as Joey hops out of the car as soon as it stops. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I'm trying my best to be a good father but nothing seems to be working.

That night, just 7 years ago is when it all started. Ever since then my whole family has been cold towards me. I don't think my wife has even smiled at me properly since then. I've done everything, but haven't gotten anything back from them.

I slam my fist on the steering wheel, an angry groan echoing around the empty car. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. It was ridiculous.

Clenching my teeth, I push open the door and slide out of the seat. Joey and Jakob have no idea how lucky they are. I wish they could live like Faith for even one day just so they can see that. I can see how broken she is by just looking into her eyes.

I know she's not telling me the full story about her life, and quite frankly I don't know why I would even be expecting it. I've only met the girl twice and she's already having a huge impact on me. I don't know what it is that makes me feel like this; it's not like anything I've ever felt before.

This strange attraction towards Faith is going to get me in trouble. If I act, or do anything it would be against the law. She's in my son's grade, God dammit!

I don't think I can handle my urges. Simply brushing against her makes my breath go shaky. I either need to distant myself from her or...

Act.

No. I couldn't.

This was suffocating. I needed to hide, to get away. From my family, from my responsibilities, from everything. This was just like being a teenager all over again.

I think I'm having a midlife crisis.

I walk up the steps of my porch, my mind reeling with thoughts. I creak open the door, not expecting a greeting or anything from my family. My hand is run through my hair as I step into the kitchen, seeing my wife, Adrienne, bent over the counter studying a cook book. I throw my keys on the counter, hoping to catch her attention.

"Hey" I say, trying to start a conversation.

She slowly lifts her head up, before sending me a small, but obviously fake smile. Brilliant.

"I picked up Joey from school" I continue, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"That's nice, sweetie" She sighs, turning her back to me. I curse under my breath, before turning on my heel and grabbing the keys back off the counter. Fuck this.

I storm out of the house, and hop back into the car. My pulse is quickening rapidly as I start the car, recklessly backing out of the driveway and speeding back down the street. My own family didn't want me. I was in the same routine every day. If my life continued like this, I would die.

I pull up behind my music shop, and carelessly kick open my door. The nostalgia from my rebel teen age years creep up on me. The adrenaline begins to pump in my veins, as I slam the door shut and run up the steps. My hands are almost trembling as I fumble with my keys, unlocking the back door and entering.

As the door shuts, everything snaps back into reality. Who am I kidding? That was my past. I couldn't go back. The small gigs and garage shows, the drugs, the girl that I loved and loved me back, it was all gone. I was stuck growing older, and going nowhere. I'm burning out.

I declare I don't care no more.

The tears attempt to escape my eyes. A sensation I haven't felt in ages. I hadn't cried, or hardly even showed any emotions. Not since that night. A night that I never want to have to live again. I wasn't what they think I am. I wasn't.