let's stay together even tomorrow

Chapter 3

The sound of metal entering flesh repeats over and over in Casey's head. The sound is loud as if it is playing from a speaker. A flash of light, quick flashes of silver flash in the corner of his eye. He knows none of it is real but it all feels so real and he can't breathe. Every time he closes his eyes, the sounds and repressed memories become more vivid and full of detail. The floral scents of daffodils overtaking him.

Nobody's home yet and he collapses to the floor, clutching his own body. His breathing quickens and his throat hurts. His whole body aches. He curls up and lets the tears fall. He's starting to hyperventilate and his brain is all foggy, only thinking of the event, over and over again. He's there, right back to that day.

Casey is so out of it he doesn't hear the others announce the arrival or their sharp inhales as they find him on the floor, shaking. Nor their warm hands embrace him as they have done repeatedly for the past few weeks.

Elijah lifts Casey up from the floor gently while the other two get water. "Cas, I need you to take slow breaths, okay?" He inhales and exhales. "A few more." Inhale. Exhale. His shaky hand now holds a cup. "Now I want you to spell out the weather, either in your head or out loud." Casey looks out the apartment window and answers, "W-I-N-D-Y." Elijah grabs his hand, "Good. What do you smell?" Casey sniffs, "I smell a lot of things..." He rubs circles on his hand, reassuring him, "Just name one." Casey sniffs again, "I smell something sweet. I smell chocolate?"

Casey and Elijah look in the direction of the smell, where the other two devour a chocolate muffin. Mouth full with some crumbles falling out, one says, "Oops, sorry. At least it helped you, right?" He shrugs and Casey lets out a small laugh, the rest of them following. They laugh until their stomachs start to hurt.

Dinner was instant noodles and eggs. Elijah will always find a way to sneak eggs into their meals. No one complains. It tastes like their childhood, all the times they spent together, hiding away from their problems.

Their days usually go like this: Casey has an episode, and then one of them will usually find him and ground him. Then at night, they would all curl up on the bed together in his room. Even though it was for Casey, the others found comfort in it as well.

Tonight was no different than before. When it was the five of them cuddling, it was always a mess with one of them ending up just laying on top of someone. They never once complained. And they'll forever miss the extra weight.

Elijah holds Casey as he leans against his chest and someone else curls up on his other side. He feels safe. They all do. No one can hurt them when they lay like this. The only one who can hurt them is themselves. And that time will come. It arrives right now, as Casey listens to his best friends sleeping soundly, he remembers. He remembers every single detail of that day. He can't sleep and dreaming about it is so much worse so Casey just remembers. It was all his fault.

🌹

The weather looks beautiful today and it's all Casey can think of as he stares out the window. The group is on their way to the beach. The only time any of them were available was now but who said beach trips can't be fun in the fall? Jesse has a group name for them and suggested that it was because they will always be together tomorrow. Whatever that meant. Finn is the one driving, at 23 he is the only one who knows how to. Actually, Elijah has a learner's permit but he's still too terrified to drive. Jesse sits in the passenger seat, he's in control of the music. Casey is squished in between two giants who obnoxiously sing aloud to the song playing. It feels like home. A home Casey built with the best people in the world.

"We'll never have today again! So let's live!" Casey says running into the water, unbeknownst to him, it would be the last time that all five of them were together, alive and breathing and happy.