✎ to you, who swallowed a star 「 ed•v 」

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𝖓𝖔𝖑𝖎 𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖆𝖘 𝖎𝖗𝖊, 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖊𝖕𝖘𝖎𝖚𝖒 𝖗𝖊𝖉𝖉𝖎; 𝖎𝖓 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖙 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖘.

•••

Khun Eduan never thought about how well the sunkissed aure suited V until it took a whole month to get the man to give early morning walks a try once again. Sure, it doesn’t quite compare to his routine visits downtown nor the constant disappearing to hang out with the locals back then, but considering the first two weeks after his confinement, certainly, they’ve come a long way.

“Hi,” greeted Eduan, a soft, tender smile plastered on his lips, pausing in his tracks for a bit to test the distance that wouldn’t bring his companion discomfort. “How are you feeling?”

The brunet shifted his attention toward him, tapping the stone he was sitting on with one hand as the other was holding his cane in place, urging the newcomer to do the same. Striking his defined features were the warm reds and mellow yellows that adorned the sky, colors which the romanticists believed signify coming alive or a renewed hope— a notion that did not sit well with the spearbearer, because he knew that as of the moment, waking up was V’s living nightmare.

“Eduan.”

“How did you like your room?” he asked gently, turning to face his friend who was lost in his thoughts. “I know it wasn’t exactly the bayview home we’ve discussed in the passing, nor did it have the ambience you once liked pondering about, but I hope you still found it pleasant.”

To the Khun heir’s dismay, V stared at the lake’s still waters, avoiding direct eye contact.

“Luslec and I talked to the communities’ elderly, who said that there were ancient sirens who once resided in the natural lagoons on the upper floors. If you wish, perhaps—”

“It’s fine,” the brunet murmured, his voice tinged with detachment as he cut him off. “I don’t really feel anything about it.”

The former’s heart broke, but he was not about to make such triviality a big deal. The wavecontroller was still healing, and he knew better than to forcibly close the proximity just to satisfy his emotional needs. “I understand. I will save the date for later, when you’re ready.”

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ready,” he admitted, finally meeting Eduan’s cobalt blue gaze, his vulnerability showing. “Everything I used to love, everything that brought me peace, it’s all seems so... tainted now. I just don’t recognize myself anymore.”

It pains the bluenet to acknowledge that he is not able to dry his beloved’s tears, hold his hand, and kiss his sorrows away like he used to— being reduced to offering salient support when he’s right there, beside him in a reachable distance, somewhere only he was allowed to cross, but all Eduan ended up doing was repeating words of comfort that barely did anything to break the wavecontroller’s walls.

“It’s not your fault, V.”

“A-And... I know it was wrong of me to l-lash out on you...” The man’s amethyst eyes welled up with tears, his sobs grew louder as he wiped them away, frustrated with his own emotions. “It’s not like that would be the first time I’d be forced into a situation where I had to sleep with someone, right? I should at least have been able to handle i-it...” he choked out. “... l-like a man, right? But, why can’t I forget?”