I'm floating. Gravity no longer exists as Yelena's lips linger on mine. Her arms wrap around me, clinging to me for dear life, and I pour myself into her. My hands slide down her neck, over her shoulders, gripping hard like I need to reassure myself she's really there. I lose track of time, kissing her is so intoxicating. Suddenly, there's a throat clearing behind me, and Yelena pulls away abruptly. It's Kate, standing in the open doorway.
"So much for not leading her on." She says to Yelena, and walks away brusquely.
"Kate, I did not-" Yelena lets go of me and runs after her. I stand there, unable to move for a minute. I sit down on Yelena's bed, unsure of what I should do in this moment. Before I can make a decision, they come back. "Y/n, I should not have kissed you. I apologize."
"What?" The apology stings.
"I cannot let you waste yourself loving someone who doesn't deserve it. You deserve someone better than me. Someone like Kate." Yelena elaborates, and Kate's face turns crimson.
"Don't say that, Lena. You're incredible." I reach for her, but she bats my hand away.
"You deserve someone good. I'm not," she insists.
"You don't get to tell me what I deserve!" I raise my voice unintentionally. "And I like you, Kate, a lot, I might even love you, but this isn't about me. It's about Yelena, and her inability to let someone care about her." I grab Yelena's hand, successfully this time. "Let me love you," I'm practically begging.
"I do not want you." Yelena says, her face stone cold. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I drop her hand.
"Fuck you." I push past her and out the door, walking away as quickly as I can. I'm dimly aware of footsteps behind me, but I ignore them. When I feel a hand wrap around my arm, I whirl around, ready to yell, but it's only America. "What's up kid?" I try to hide the tears that are threatening to spill.
"We were about to try and get Johnny to do the squishmallow thing. I thought you might want to see it." She motions back down the hall, and I realize she probably heard the conversation I just left.
"I thought you guys were going out to buy one first," I inquire, still trying to compose myself.
"Oh, Cassie already had one, so we decided not to. Are you coming?" She starts walking. I debate saying no, walking away, but something tells me to follow her. We're a few doors down from Yelena's room. Cassie is holding up a squishmallow, pouting at Johnny.
"Please? You'd be a human body pillow!"
"No, I am not letting you two make me into a stuffed animal!" He backs away from her, and I laugh.
"Dude, you'd be the perfect body pillow," I inform him, and he looks at me skeptically. As the girls attempt to bribe him into doing what they want, I overhear Kate and Yelena in the other room.
"Of course I do," Yelena's saying. "But I still don't want a romantic relationship. I'm not worthy of being loved like that."
"Everyone is worthy of love, Yelena."
"I wish that were true. But people like me, people who have done what I've done-"
"You do know she was a widow too? She did the same things! But somehow, she deserves love and you don't? Bullshit."
"Everyone I love dies, Kate."
"Newsflash! Everyone dies. Period," Kate scoffs.
"Why won't you just listen to me?"
"Because you love each other! The same reason I don't try to get with you!"
"What?" Yelena sounds shook.
"Isn't it obvious? I'd go to the ends of the Earth for you and y/n. But you were made for each other. You guys don't need me. Never have," I hear Kate start walking this direction, and I bolt out of the room.
"Y/N?" Cassie calls for me, but I have to stop Kate. I just about run into her in the hallway, skidding to a halt right in front of her.
"She's still in her room," Kate dismisses me.
"Did you mean that?"
"What?" She looks at me, baffled.
"We need you, Katie." I bite the inside of my cheek nervously. "If it wasn't for you, Yelena would have bled out from that gunshot wound." Then, behind me, America clears her throat.
"Most universes have more polyamory than monogamy," she says, glancing past us to where I see Yelena is now outside of her door.
"What does that have to do with this?" Kate asks her, oblivious.
"Hey America, We're gonna go find Quint so he can see Johnny squishified. Come on," Cassie beacons to her, and she follows as Kate looks helplessly around. We're silent until they're all gone.
"She means we should all date each other," I explain, and Kate turns red yet again. I don't know what else to say, so I just fiddle with my hands for a second, hoping one of them will say something. I can't keep doing this.
"Can we just go back to the unspoken feelings thing?" Kate suggests, grimacing. If only.
"Or you two could just date each other," Yelena mumbles, and Kate shakes her head.
"Maybe none of us should be together," I say softly and run a hand through my hair. "Maybe teaming up was a mistake."
"What? No, we're a great team!" Kate disagrees, stepping closer to me just the tiniest bit.
"I think I should go. Before Clint gets back." I step past Yelena and go to my room, suddenly exhausted.
"Yelena, follow her!" I hear Kate command.
"I'm going to go too. I need to find Melina and Alexi. Help them with the rest of the Widows," Yelena tells her, and I hear her door close. I close my door too, and lean against it. Tears spring to my eyes unexpectedly, and I fight them, deciding I should go sooner rather than later. I start packing my bag, and the tears subside when I have something to focus on. When I have all my things, I sneak down to the garage and steal a motorcycle. Time to run away.
