To the Last Unspoken Part

Three

I WOKE UP today rattled about what will happen later. It is just around the corner and whatever may be the outcome of our meeting later, I hope I still hold onto my deepest judgment over our situation.

This day is more significant than I expected when I sent him my invitation. The wine I had really put courage in me. I feel frustrated that I become vulnerable when it comes to making decisions about him. I feel unsure about myself. For years I've considered myself someone better than I am today when I replied to his message.

When it comes to Zibeon, I'm a worry for myself. I can't accept that my suffering is a result of my unwieldy desire for him.

I thank God that I get to have lunch with Siena before dinner with Zibeon later.

I am glad to have Siena always by my side. We work in the same place. I work in her family's construction company. We are actually four in our group. Siena, Madilyn, Elena, and me. Only Siena and I frequently see each other since Madilyn is living permanently abroad for years now and Elena is the busiest person to ever exist in my life. She is a hustler.

"Siena, I have a question," I say.

She sips her glass of iced tea.

"Would you give a person that did you bad a chance of closure?" I ask. Siena doesn't know about Zibeon and me. I feel guilty about it. I know about the happenings in her life but she does not know the deeper part in mine.

I hate that Zibeon knew about those deep parts in my life and my friends don't. My friends are more deserving to know me wholly than Zibeon and I hate myself for not giving my friends a chance to understand me better because I have given that privilege to the person who is dangerous for my sanity.

"Oh, depends on the level of how they treated me badly," she replies. "Who's this person?"

"Just a friend slash block mate in college. I mean, it happened years ago already and I still don't know the reason why he changed... from being a friend to becoming someone I couldn't recognize. What's only hindering me is what he made me feel that time."

"I sense that there's still resentment coming from you, so I think a closure would heal the undiscussed matter between you two. May I ask who this person is?"

Damn. I'm going to lie to Siena again.

"Remember the guy I'm with before your Art Appreciation class in first year? That's him," I lie.

It's Ernest and we are definitely on good terms.

Siena suddenly unclasps her legs out of shock. "It's Ernest! Oh my gosh, Vera, I hope you two come on good terms. You were good with each other! I didn't even know you two had a feud!" Siena responses.

I'm such a bad person. Help!

"Things happen," I reply with a hint of sadness. "About your engagement, do you have any updates?" I ask, changing the topic because if we dig into that topic, it would only mean I have to lie many times again to Siena's face.

Siena's face becomes grim. "There's still no news from my family. I hope they change their mind."

"Well, if you take action about it, it would never be too late for them to change their mind," I say.

"If only I could, Vera."

"You know, you have me. Don't go through that situation alone, okay? Just tell me if you want to do something rebellious to defy their decision on your life. I'm in."

Knowing Siena, she won't ever put herself in a position where she'd hate herself for disobeying her parents' wants for her life.

Siena wiggles her head. "Okay, Vera. But expect I won't do something like it. As of now, maybe?"