I Want to be Kind [-Thorfinn X Reader-] [Vinland Saga]

Three Long Years

Why did I believe Thorkell. I should've ran after Thorfinn that day if I knew what the future held. I had instead allowed them to take me away to another room in what was the former kings manor. I waited for what had seemed like hours for the hysterics to die down so that I could go and find Thorfinn in the cells.

I was still in that room a day later when the prince came to speak with me. "I'm sorry (Y/N)." Canute told me solemnly after explaining what had happened. I stumble back into a chair, almost completely missing it. "You mean to tell me.. he was put onto a slave ship..?" I whisper in disbelief. Where had I gone wrong? Why was the Gods giving me this fate, taking away everyone I loved slowly one by one. Could it be because of my life of killing.

I look down at the ring the woman in Mercia had given me for sparing her life. It was her, she did all of this to me. If I hadn't let her live all of this wouldn't have happened. Thorkell wouldn't have found us in that village. Bjorn, then my father, and now Thorfinn.

I'm trying not to mentally snap and go into a full crying meltdown in front of the prince as he continued to talk to me. "It wasn't my fault. It was a Jomsvikings captain named Floki, he had ordered for Thorfinn to be sold to the first slave ship leaving York."

"You can find him cant you?" I pleaded with him. Desperation flowing through my veins. I stood up and walked over to him quickly, placing my hands on each of his shoulders. "You can find the ships destination yes?"

A look of regret crosses his features. "I can't do that. There's so much that needs my attention here at the moment. I can't help you right now." He confessed. My hands squeezing his shoulders as I began to panic "you don't have to go! I can go. Just let me know where the boat is heading." I begged.

Canute let's put a soft sigh as he watches me, it was obvious that he pitied me. "Okay. I'll prepare for you to follow after him, give me a day to get a ship and a couple of soldiers to join you along with the location and the slave traders name. It's the least I can do after everything."

I almost cry at his words. I pulled him in for a hug, thankful for his help in this. He tentatively returns the hug as his arms went around mt frame. "I'm sorry.." he whispered to me. I almost broke right there, cried into his arms and let my sorrows out, but I couldn't let him see me cry when he was the one to took them away from me. Even if Thorfinn had been an accident on his part, it was still his fault nonetheless to me.

•••

I breathed in the sea air as I walked through Ribe, a trade town known for its slave trade. I actively looked around for any man that could resemble Thorfinn.

The merchant who had taken Thorfinn went by the name of Gorm. And I was on my way to meet him after asking around the town as to where he was. I had hoped he still had Thorfinn in his care, but if he didn't it was no matter, I would find the next master and the next if need be. I had enough coins to buy three slaves, more than enough to buy him from anyone who held him in their custody.

"Oh a man by the name Thorin? I think I had one named that yes." The man Gorm told me after thinking for a moment. "No his name is ThorFINN not Thorin. I would like to buy him from you, he's a shorter man around my height with dirty blonde hair." I explained.

"Yes I'm sorry lass but I believe he got sick at sea, ya see we had to toss him overboard once he died." The man Gorm said to me without any empathy. My heart sinking at his words "what..?" I mumbled but he continued "Anyways we have a lot of men who are blonde if you wish to purchase, no one around your size in height tho I'm sorry." He apologized as he went on his business spiel. "Uh... no-no thank you.." I mumble moving away from him.

Thorfinn was dead..?

•••

After my safe return to York where the prince had currently made his headquarters I stayed locked in my room for weeks. Often maids would come and visit me trying to get me to eat but I would shrug them off and tell them to leave the food on the nightstand. To later try and eat what little I could of the meal. Trying to keep what little food I could down, but it wasn't ever enough.

I would spend my days wondering what went wrong. Staring at the ring that had caused all of this. 'The gods are punishing me for not doing my duty and killing her...' I would often think.

I was happy to know that I was able to recover Thorfinns dagger. A servant had found it on the floor after the battle and Canute was kind enough to return it to me. I kept it besides my bed at all times within reaching distance. I would touch it, my imagination pretending that I was touching a small part of him, that he was still safe and sound.

I think I'm going crazy.

•••

Canute has forced me out of my room recently. Telling me that I need to get out and get some fresh air, that I needed to heal myself instead of allowing my mentality to fester and spoil. Half of me was grateful to him that he cared enough to want to help me, the other half wanted him to fuck off and let me rot.

He set up a meeting with my mothers side of the family. I was able to meet them and prove that I was their granddaughter thanks to my mothers ring that my father had left me. They were kind enough people, I wouldn't expect them to force their daughter into marriage. But I hadn't expected my father try and do the same, perhaps I'm bad at understanding people's intentions.

•••

It's been three years since that fateful day. I've healed slowly but surely. Canute has become the king of England, and with his brother sick he will most likely become the king of Denmark as well. I stayed as his bodyguard for the most part. Though I did have some social standing at court as a granddaughter of a powerful Jarl.

Higher ups have found out about my blood heritage. How I was a descendant of a king from ancient Wales. My fathers colleagues in Wales pushed for me to sit by Canutes side on the throne as to make sure that there was an alliance between the two. And my mothers side had also pushed for me to to become Canutes queen.

Guess my fathers plans are still going strong to this day even if he was now king dead. It was just through different people. And as I sat in Canutes cabin on his ship, he asked the same "Will you marry me?"

I didn't know if I could reject him any longer.