For Fox's Sake (#3, Completed)

36. The end of hope

JAMES

Alone with my thoughts, the silence in the kitchen pressed down on me like a vice. My head throbbed as I cradled it in my hands, fingertips digging into my scalp to stop the emotions that threatened to consume me. I wanted something, anything, to dull the ache of knowing I had hurt Natalia; yet there was no escape from the storm raging inside me.

The image of her crumpling to the ground, powerless and broken, was seared into my mind. I was never going to forgive myself for causing her pain. More than that, it was the knowledge that I had crushed her spirit, shaken the very foundations of our bond.

No, I fucking deserved this torment, this constant reminder of how deeply I had failed the woman I loved more than life itself.

Leaning back against my chair, I closed my eyes, picturing her face. I missed her with an ache that went soul deep. Those striking blue eyes that saw right through me, her playful smile that always made my heart stutter.

I never deserved her light, her goodness. But she chose me, believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. She unlocked something in me I thought was long dead—joy, tenderness, hope. With her by my side, the future had never looked brighter... Now that light was extinguished, snuffed out by my lies and Kerrin's manipulations. And I only had myself to blame.

"Fuck," I roared, sending the mug on the table flying until it smashed in the nearest cupboard.

I'd fucked up.

This wasn't all your doing, Aron chimed in through our mindlink. We both played a role here.

Doesn't matter, I interrupted him. She trusted me, loved me, and all I gave her in return was betrayal and misery... She didn't deserve this, any of it. 

A crushing weight pressed down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I meant every word I said to her earlier. I was ready to do everything to win her back. Yet, the doubts kept creeping in—what if she never forgave me? Never trusted me again?

The thought of losing her tore me apart inside.

You cannot give in to despair, James. Aron cut in, refusing to let me wallow. You have to fight for her. Show her that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. Be the mate she deserves—the man she always knew you could be.

My spiralling mind was interrupted by the ringing of my phone, Sara's name flashing on my screen. Part of me didn't want to answer, but I couldn't ignore my sister, either.

"Hey, Sara." I answered her video call, trying to sound casual. "How are you?"

"I'm alright, but you look like hell. What's going on? Is everything okay with Natalia?"

"I'm fine. Just tired, that's all." I attempted to shrug off her concern. But my sister knew me too well, so I could see the scepticism written across her face.

"Hey, don't do that. You can talk to me."

Except that I wasn't ready to tell her about Natalia yet. "I appreciate it, sis. But I'll be alright."

"Fine." She sighed, relenting for now. "But if you change your mind, I'm here. Anyway, I called to share the news—the Council has agreed to seek Natalia's help with the feral shifters. Thought you should know."

An invisible fist squeezed my heart at the mention of my mate. "Thanks, but I already know. Councillor Ronan is here to meet her."

"What? That's not possible—he wasn't at the Council meeting, and we only just took the decision."