Cursed Hearts

The Bad Mother

"Don't say that- we can get through this, I promise," he said, though he didn't believe the words for one second. "I've only seen you eat crackers and drink water for the last week- aren't you hungry?"

Regina let out a frustrated sigh, finding it absolutely impossible to formulate any sort of response. She hated the feeling of being powerless, especially when it was her own husband causing it to happen. Brushing off the sheets, she stood up and headed for the door. Robin knew he had no choice but to follow her down the staircase and into the kitchen, where she opened the fridge and began rummaging through it.

"What exactly are you doing?" He asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.

Finding leftovers from their previous dinner, Regina put it in the microwave and turned it on. "According to you I'm starving- so I'm fixing that."

Robin almost had admiration for how stubborn she was being. He cautiously watched her as she took out a fork and began taking bites of lasagna- from the expression her face was making, it was clear that she was forcing herself to do so. It was only a minute later that she surrendered the leftovers and leaned against the counter. She took a few strained breaths before lunging for the sink, her stomach rejecting its contents. Her husband was quickly at her side, pulling her hair back as her body lurched over and over again. He felt the agony she felt, and stood in complete shock, a hand on her back offering all the support he could give.

Holding herself up with both elbows, Regina let her head hang loosely above the sink, letting the faucet run and drain away the bile that so violently exited her body. She took a moment to regain her breath, her energy depleted and her dignity nonexistent. Lifting her eyes towards Robin, she allowed him to gently lift her up in his arms and carry her back upstairs. No words were exchanged.

Drawing a bath, he helped remove her clothes and lowered her into the tub. She pulled her knees up to her chest and stared blankly at a fixed point in the distance. Robin found himself transfixed by the rare reveal of his wife that was presented before him- she always held her head up high, unfazed by the most daunting of situations. She looked small and fragile, swallowed almost by the water around her.

"Good thing the kids are still out," he said softly, his voice breaking the tranquil haze that was built around them. His statement pulled her attention back towards him, her eyes dulled of their usual light.

"I'm sorry- I really am."

"No, it's me who should be apologizing," she spoke, her voice delicate. "I'm the unstable one putting you though all of this hell."

Regina knew her husband would be quick to rally by her side and tell her that wasn't true, so she only allowed a second to pass before continuing on.

"Not eating was the only thing I could control when I was married to Leopold. He and my mother dictated everything I did. He wanted me to have a baby... and I knew if that happened, I would've been trapped in that castle forever. So... I did what I could to survive."

Tears were falling swiftly down her cheeks, but Regina knew she couldn't stop then- the words spilled out, and admittedly, the desire to continue drove her forward.

"It was hard at first, especially with how many times a day Leopold had meals prepared for him. I fainted more than a few times, my hair started falling out... nobody noticed, though. My mother thought I was nervous about becoming a queen before becoming a real adult. After a while, the pain went away, and I didn't even have the desire to eat more than I had to- I felt nothing. I saved my life. No one else was going to."

Robin listened intently, knowing it wasn't his place to say anything. Stories from that part of her past had only surfaced a few times during their marriage- he was fully aware that there were things she didn't share with him, and he was okay with that. For the last decade, pretending that those early years didn't exist worked well for them both.

"I guess getting pregnant brought back all of those terrible feelings I had back then," she said, her voice sinking. Her eyes never once left Robin's, as devastated as they were. "God, I really gave her a reason to hate me before she was even born. I'm just like my mother."

"No you aren't," he intervened, shocked at her words. He leaned forward and held her face between his hands. "You overcame everything she did to you and made a life for yourself against all the odds. And after what you just said, Caroline's whole existence is a miracle- her being the product of true love makes perfect sense."

Regina nodded as more tears came, embracing his touch and feeling her anguish slowly dissipate in the warm water around her.

After a moment of silence, she found the courage to speak again. "I want to get better, but I don't know how. I don't want to live with all this sadness anymore."

Her words flooded him with relief. "Whatever it takes, we'll do it. We can research the best doctors in the country. I'd move heaven and earth if it meant keeping you here with our family."

She held onto each and every word, hoping that there really could be a solution to end all of her grief.

"I- I put all of those feelings away and never gave them a second thought- we were so happy, Robin. I was living my perfect life every single day before she came and ruined everything. She did this to me, she put me back there and she wanted me to suffer."

Up until that point, Robin had always had a small feeling of defense towards Zelena- he thought about all the things she did to save them, and how maybe she wasn't as volatile as he originally thought. He knew Regina was right, though- all of this was her fault.

"I know," he replied softly, holding her as her body shook with sobs. "She'll get what she deserves. I'll make sure of it."