i'll always find you

CHAPTER 9

BUCKY

"Hang on!" Lizzie exclaims, I can hear the fear in her voice. I know I'm going to die and she knows it too. I'm hanging to a metal rod on a moving train, there's no way I'm making it out of here. But-but she's still trying, she's still trying to save me.

"Grab my hand!" She reaches her hand as far as she can towards me. I try to reach for her..I'm almost there..I'm almost to the life I want..I'm almost to her..I'm almost....suddenly the rod snaps. A scream escapes my lips and the last thing I see is her face covered in tears as she screams my name.

The cold air rushes around me and I can't even think straight, the air keeps getting thinner. I don't know how long I've been falling. This is it, I think as I anticipate the ground getting closer and closer. This is it. I think of Lizzie, the girl I love more than anything. "You are my whole world." I wanted to marry her, grow old with her. I fought so hard in the war to return to her, this doesn't even feel real, I'm dying. I'm actually dying. This is the end. How can this actually be it? I'm so so sorry Lizzie. I love you doll. I think before I feel my body slam into the ground and everything goes black.

I feel a sharp pain in my left arm as my eyes try to open. Wait, why are my eyes trying to open? I'm dead..I'm dead. I open them to see snowflakes falling above me, I look up and see the mountains, those mountains I fell..I fell at least two hundred feet this can't..this isn't... I died. My mind isn't thinking clearly this isn't real. I suddenly remember the pain in my left arm, but it's hard to feel much as the cold has numbed me, but I still think I've broken every bone in my body. If I'm alive still.

I feel the shooting pain in my arm again so I tilt my head and see my left arm gone, my jacket sleeve has been ripped off and there's just a bloody stump of flesh left there now, I almost pass out at the sight. My breathing picks up as I see the huge pool of blood that has worked its way around my whole body. I suddenly notice the wet sticky feeling, I try to move but then everything goes black.

My eyes flicker open again and my mind feels fuzzy, someone is standing over me. A soviet soldier my mind slowly registers. I try to speak, but I can't. He looks at me for a minute before rolling me over and laying something down in the snow, he rolls me onto it, and then starts pulling whatever he put me on, dragging me along too. I watch as my arm leaves a trail of red in the snow. Lizzie...Steve...they have to know...I'm alive. I try to scream but I can't.. "...Help..." I croak out before the blackness shallows me again.

I'm in so much pain. All I feel is pain. My left arm feels numb. My body hurts everywhere. Everywhere hurts. I've never felt pain like this in my life. Pain. There is so much pain. I slowly open my eyes as I see a bunch of lab coats around me. "He's awake." A voice says but my mind is so fuzzy and the pain makes everything hard to understand.

"Put him to sleep, we have work to do. He won't be effective in this condition." I suddenly feel a mask on my face as the room starts to go dark.

Suddenly I start to hear voices again. "He's going to need to recover. But he'll survive. Zola will be very pleased." I try to open my eyes as the bright lights immediately feel like they are blinding me. "Let him adjust to his surroundings. Then will put him in one of the cells until Zola arrives." A voice says. "What-what?" I try to say but my throat is so dry. I feel like I've been asleep for years.

Suddenly someone opens my eyes fully as a bright light shines in them. "He's fine. Just dazed, his vitals are good. He just needs some more time, that fall almost destroyed him." A voice says. "He's going to be a great success for us." Another voice says. "I.." I whisper but suddenly I start to feel really sleepy and everything goes black again.

I keep waking up and falling asleep on that table for what feels like forever, the men around me keep running tests and saying things I don't understand. My mind is still fuzzy I can't really remember what happened. All I know is pain.

"His brain waves are picking up, put him in the cell. He's going to figure out where he is soon." A voice demands, then suddenly everything goes black.

I open my eyes and feel a hard surface under me. I look around and notice I'm..I'm in a cell. "What?" I gasp softly. Why-why? Why am I in here? It takes me a few seconds to fully wake up, I feel so sore, everything hurts. And my arm. My arm. It's a small stump with bloody bandages all over it. I try to stand but immediately fall down. I feel so so weak, and my missing arm is causing an imbalance that I'm not used to. Suddenly I remember what happened. The train. Lizzie. Steve. The train. The fall. I'm dead. They think I'm dead. Why...why am I not dead?

I look at my surroundings trying to figure out where I am. But it's just an empty dark cell, I can't tell. How did I survive that fall? How...how am I here? Where am I? My arm, what happened...did I lose my arm in the fall? "Lizzie? Steve?" I whisper. "Lizzie?" My throat is so dry.

Suddenly a man appears at the cell door. "Hello Sergeant Barnes." He says with a thick Russian accent. "Where-where am I?" I croak out, hoping Steve and Lizzie will somehow appear behind him.

"Someone hidden. No one will find you if that's what you're hoping for. Everyone thinks you're dead." I shake my head, "no, no they'll find me." The man laughs "No. No one will find you, you're ours now. And we have big plans for you soldat." I shake my head as I try to hold back tears. "No. No I will never help you. No." I say as firmly as I can.

The man clicks his tongue, "oh but you will. You will." He calmly says as he walks away. "NO!" I scream "NO! I will never! Let me go you son of a bitch!" But he already left. They're coming, Lizzie and Steve. He's lying to me. They are coming. They are coming.

~

A few months later

A man shoves food under my door. Same as everyday. I don't know how long it's been. But I refuse to give up hope. They're coming for me. I know it. "Today is a big day for you. Zola has finally arrived at our base, we are ready to begin." I ignore him. "We begin now." The man says, as he opens the door-I try to make a run for it, but I'm too weak. He quickly comes up behind me and puts me in a headlock.

"I said we have work to do." The man snaps as he drags me to the operating room, I'm barely holding onto consciousness as he tightens the headlock. Men suddenly strap me down to the table and I'm to weak to fight back. "Sergeant Barnes, you are to be the new fist of Hydra." A man with glasses and a huge smile explains to me. It takes me a minute but... I recognize him. "Zola?" I ask dazed. Zola the man...the man we were on the train for...to...to capture him...the man...I died on that mission..how I am still alive?...no one tells me anything...

Suddenly Zola stabs my leg with a syringe and I start seeing stars as everything goes dark.

My eyes start to open as suddenly I feel something strange... on my body. I lift up my hands and see a shiny metal one looking back at me. The men start undoing the straps across my body as I start to come back to my senses. "Get..get it off!" I choke out as I start to claw at my left arm. "I don't want it! Get it off!" My nails dig into my flesh, drawing blood. "GET IT OFF!" I scream, not wanting anything from Hydra.

Someone suddenly injects a needle into me as I feel my body starting to go numb. A few men strap me down again as I reach out my metal arm using all the strength I have to choke one of the men in the lab coats. I don't want this, take it off.

Zola suddenly smiles at me as he stabs another syringe into my leg and everything goes dark.