The Idiot's Guide to Writing

Lesson 8: Giving/Receiving Feedback

We're gonna take a break from the character stuff and go to feedback, since this is the fundamental part of the craft. You will need to go out of your way to find people to read your stuff, and personalized one-to-one feedback will probably be far more valuable than generalized strokes from some idiot on the Internet.

For some reason, I've found that writing is one of the most egotistical art forms, and I think the reason is because writing is the purest expression the writer's opinion, view, and rationale. Criticizing the story, themes, and literary meaning (not just the prose, which is an object of technique not thought) is criticizing how a writer has objectivized the world in their own creative sandbox. If you critique a character arc, that's critiquing how the writer views people. If you critique worldbuilding, that's critiquing how the writer views whatever geo-social-political-cultural nonsense they're commenting on. If you critique themes, that is critiquing the writer's philosophy and how they view its application to reality. There's no way to avoid that, unfortunately.

Both sides of this equation are very subjective, and there is no real good answer on this one. But I will do my best, and I'll start with receiving feedback because everyone will have to go through that at some point.

Receiving Feedback

You're almost never going to get the response that you want or are expecting. That's just how it goes. People will be harder or easier on you than you want, and honestly there's not a ton you can do to fix that.

The best way to get feedback you want is to be specific about what you're looking for, that way your critic can narrow in. Giving excerpts, laying out ideas, and asking about specific topics like prose or character development is infinitely superior than dumping your entire story into someone's lap. Furthermore, I'd also wait a couple days or so after you've finished your work before you throw it out to the world; that way it's had time to sit and settle.

Generally, I'd suggest to seek feedback on the Internet. This way, if the situation gets too hairy, you can always leave it; though if you're not comfortable with the Internet, a friend can always help. You can also meet and look for more diverse people on the Internet to receive a wide variety of opinions (also much easier to find sensitivity readers if you're dealing with that sort of thing). I recommend writing down multiple people's critiques and comparing notes, so you can figure out what are your priorities and whether some of those critiques are actually valid (some may not be). You may not agree with all of their critiques, but if multiple people are saying the same thing, it'll probably do you good to consider it.

It's hard to receive feedback without taking it personally. I don't have any special tips to just not be upset—no one's perfect. But you can never antagonize your critic. Critics usually aren't taking time out of their day and reading your stuff just to be malicious (if they are, it's not hard to see it and block them). Their impression and opinion, even if inconvenient, are still fair game to consider; remember that intent and result are not the same. Grumping about your critic for doing their job is pretty counter-productive and kind of questions why you even bothered to ask.

Also, don't make excuses and don't try to dance around something that your critic has brought up. Unless I've genuinely misread something, I've seen a lot of people make excuses to explain a critique I've brought up and even retroactively made the logic behind the problem worse. You may not even notice that you're making excuses, it's a natural response to avoid criticism, but it's generally unhelpful and also doesn't solve the problem.

As for actually applying the critiques...ah...it depends. Some critiques will demand an entire re-write of your draft, and that...yeah, that sucks. You don't have to apply every single critique people throw at you, you're not gonna be able to appease everyone and that's not the right way to go about it anyways. Prioritize the most important things, find the most common pieces of advice people gave you, and focus on those. Use your own judgment. 

Giving Feedback

I give feedback a lot more than I receive it, so I'm more versed in this half of it. And...uh...you kind of need to know what you're doing.

So, couple of things. Basic courtesy always applies. Try to keep your own subjectivity out of it—I know it's not really possible, but...at least try(?). One way to help with that is to stick to critiquing genres you're familiar with, that way you know the tropes and what's to be expected. Don't set expectations for the story you're reading and who you're working with, and try your best not to make opinions of who you're talking to and what they're trying to achieve unless they explicitly tell you. You're probably not gonna be correct if you guess. 

Be as straightforward and clear with your critique as possible. As a matter of personal preference, I usually lay out my critiques in paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on one subject. That way, it can be referenced easily. 

I also suggest to read their story or excerpts at least twice. Once for enjoyment as a boring-ass reader, and a second read to look at it critically. The former is the most important because being able to enjoy a story is the bare minimum. Ignoring themes, ignoring prose and literary value, a story must be enjoyable if anyone's going to sit through it. From a critical standpoint, then you can look at what can be polished, discussed, and thought about in more depth. Take note of the stuff you like versus the stuff you dislike, and talk about both. Don't frame those things in a light that is explicitly bad if you can avoid it—just something to improve upon. People feel a lot better after being praised. It's a cognitive bias thing. And always remember that they don't necessarily have to listen to you, and they may not. Big deal. 

And just like writing—critique is a skill. You get better at it over time. You learn what people want to hear, you learn how to phrase and streamline your critiques, etc. etc. If you want to practice, I recommend critiquing media (though do remember reviews and critiques are not really the same. You can't be as brutal with critiques as reviews). 

Anyway. Those are my guidelines on feedback. God knows I need more of it.