𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐈𝐬 𝐀 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐎𝐧 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡

𝖋𝐨𝐮𝐫

"that shit was crazy Red, you just murked the nigga halfway through his sentence." Jermaine laughed, dappinng up his friend Larry who came with us today.

I didn't even respond or acknowledge what he said, I just continued staring at the road as he drove.

Not only did I not care about either person I'd shot, I was just tired of thinking about the situation entirely.

Thankfully, I wasn't around either of them too much longer, and soon I was being dropped off back at my crib,

Ignoring their goodbyes as I exited the car, I shut the door behind me and then continued on my way.

Jermaine and I usually worked together because Saduj felt like he'd do better with the talking, and I could just be the muscle.

If he needed something done that didn't require talking, I handled that shit all alone.

Didn't really matter to me though, 'course I liked to work alone, but I still didn't care too much when it came down to it.

As usual, I walked into my one-bedroom house silently and immediately made my way over to the fridge.

As if it was routine, I reached in and pulled out a beer to gulp down quickly. I wasn't really a big eater anymore, I wanna get back into it, cause I don't wanna lose my muscle—I just don't have much of an appetite nowadays.

Only thing I needed was liquor, well not needed, but wanted, yeah that's better.

It helped stop all the noise, and there was a lot of noise.

Lethargically I began to walk myself over to my couch where I threw myself down.

This is where I usually slept, yes I had a bedroom—yes I had a bed, no...I didn't sleep in it.

I couldn't, I tried and it didn't feel right, It made me too uncomfortable. Every time I lay in a bed the noise gets louder, the loudest actually.

It just...it didn't make me feel good.

Plus I'm sure that Saduj would be calling me soon to handle something, so there was no way I could fall into a deep sleep.

Some quick shut-eye was fine though, and it wouldn't hurt.

I never really slept long, and after around like three hours of sleep, like I did every night, I shot up—chest rising and falling quickly, eyes darting around the room until I realized where I was.

Every night it was the same thing, no matter what I did, I woke up the same way.

I didn't even try and force the sleep again, I simply made my way to the bathroom and rinsed my face with water so I could get a clear look at myself.

Reflections have always been so weird to me, it's like I'm looking at myself, but it's not me, I guess I get to see myself how everyone else sees me.

For about a minute I just stared at myself, I was trying to figure it out...trying to figure out what was off about me—what caused me to just walk away from somebody I should've put down.

Why after all this time, and why him?

If somebody finds out about that, it was gonna get messy.

Not because there'd be repercussions—they ain't have the balls to try some shit on me, but because I'd have to explain myself...and I couldn't really explain what I didn't understand.

I decided to just take a shower map I could hopefully clear my head a bit.

Unfortunately, that didn't work, the noise wouldn't stop—so eventually, before the clock even hit eleven a.m.. I went to what I knew best...the bottle.