Blame It All on Me. Part 2

Chapter 1. What Is This Fate?

"Oh gods, Kakashi..." Arina withdrew her hands as if scalded, still looking away – as though seeing him would really obligate her to something.

"There. You don't want it yourself," Kakashi smiled bitterly, readjusting his mask.

Arina turned to him and cautiously opened one eye, then the other.

"So, what's the matter then?" Kakashi stared at her intently. "Enough with the evasion. The mask never seemed to bother you before."

Arina slumped and looked at him guiltily.

"I've already explained... I can't... Straight off like that..."

"'Straight off'?" Kakashi scoffed. "How much time it's been already..."

"... and besides, you shouldn't care about some strange girl," Arina continued, staring past him as if not hearing him. "Who am I, and who are you? Live your own life... It seemed to me that everything was fine by you..."

"And what made you think so?" Kakashi tilted his head slightly.

"I saw you with that... girl..." Arina barely whispered.

"You mean Yugao?" Kakashi's eyes widened, and he felt his hair stand on end at the back of his head.

"I don't know, a pretty girl with purple hair... she obviously suits you better... That's why I really don't understand why you..." She didn't finish her sentence.

"Gods, Arina... shit... you... did you really?.." Kakashi looked at her in horror.

Was it all because of that?

"It's none of my business, and I'm genuinely happy for you... for both of you." She tried to free herself again, feeling his fingers tightening around her.

Kakashi didn't move, even though he was completely devastated. He had an urge to tug at his hair. And if his hands hadn't been occupied, that's exactly what he would have been doing.

"Arina, that's Yugao, my junior colleague..." he groaned finally. "And if you saw us at that moment, oh... We were talking about me giving her time off... so she could spend her birthday with her love interest! And just to clarify – it's not me! She can sometimes be overly emotional and takes such liberties... And in fact, at that moment I was heading after you."

'And if I hadn't been dragged into that meeting straight after running into Yugao, I would never have let you anywhere near that cliff...'

Arina froze.

Finally, Kakashi managed to regain his composure and looked at her with deep emotion. Now, any moment now, she will understand everything, and everything would be fine... Everything would be as it was before...

However, once again, Arina tried to break free from Kakashi's grasp, feeling the tears welling up again. Foolish... she was so foolish!

"I really better go..." She bit her lip. "Let me go, please..."

"I think it's better that you stay here, with me, tonight," Kakashi said gently.

"Why do you even bother with me? I don't deserve it..." the girl sobbed in despair.

"Let me decide that for myself..." the young man whispered.

He turned and shifted to lie down and pulled her with him gently, then pressed her to him once again.

Arina had no more strength to resist, as if their conversation had completely drained her, and she almost instantly fell into a deep slumber, resting her forehead against Kakashi's chest.

Kakashi covered her with the edge of the blanket and tried settling himself comfortably. He pressed his lips against the top of Arina's head through the fabric of his mask and closed his eyes wearily. It had been so long since he had felt her like this... And now her warmth, her unique scent – she was right there... so close... Yet still out of reach for him...

And she was willing to give up her life just to try to find a way back home...

What is this fate? Why did almost everyone who was especially dear to him somehow end this way?... Will there ever be an end to this vicious circle?

But was it really true that what happened today was partly because Arina saw him together with Yugao? Was it one more push towards that desperate step? How absurd... But they had resolved everything, so why didn't she calm down?

Although, at the mere thought of possibly losing her forever, Kakashi still felt sick every time, though it was all over already. He opened his eyes again and looked miserably over Arina's head at his right hand, which was bandaged, not very neatly, in haste, to the wrist. The bandages should have been replaced long ago... Underneath the bandages were his torn palm and fingers, with which he had tried, for a brief but excruciatingly long time, to grasp onto the stone wall as he was falling down with Arina. They would probably remind him of that dreadful day for a long time.

☙ ❦ ❧

Arina came around – there was no other way to describe it, for her sleep was akin to a fainting spell – in the deep night, feeling Kakashi's warmth enveloping her. He was sleeping next to her and was not even disturbed by her noticeably flinching upon awakening.

She stared for a long time at the contour of his face, barely discernible in the darkness, feeling her heart wring. His warmth, his arms around her, felt so comforting... and yet...

'Why don't you want to accept me?'

She would have been glad to peacefully live her new life, but the past wouldn't let go. Or was it that she couldn't let go of the past? Was she unable to accept that it was all over? Afraid of losing – and, what's more, to betray what little had remained of her past life?

And now, as she reached out her hand with gratitude to caress the face of the man who had saved her multiple times and who, despite everything, stubbornly continued to care for her and show incredible patience, an image of Maxim suddenly appeared before her eyes. It wasn't as clear as before, but it was enough to make Arina retract her hand as if she had been burned. Feeling tears welling up rapidly, she clenched her teeth and closed her eyes tightly. Why, why was this happening?

Kakashi woke up after all. Sensing the girl's tension and assuming that she was once again reliving what had happened, he pulled her closer, trying to comfort her, and gave her a discreet kiss on the top of her head.

This only made Arina feel worse. However, fearing another heartfelt conversation, she gathered all her willpower and remained silent, not uttering another sound.

She spent the rest of the night on edge, occasionally drifting into an agitated and fitful sleep, only to wake up again and find herself torn apart once more: in the arms of the man she was drawn to, but against whom a part of her seemed to resist.

She barely endured until morning, and as soon as the dawn broke, she freed herself from Kakashi's arms and left.

Kakashi himself understood that the girl was strained to the limit, so he let her go with hardly any hesitation. By that point, he felt no joy at all about their proximity, feeling almost disgusted by himself.