Picking up the pieces (Student x Teacher) (MxM)

Chapter 4

"Get the fuck out of my house." The whispered words were barely audible, but I knew he had heard me, his body had frozen, tense against my own trembling body and no longing rocking me back and forth. My palms came up and shoved against his solid chest, hard.

He stumbled back, his face shocked, maybe there was even a bit of hurt in his eyes. I didn't care. A haze of anger was quickly descending over me.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" This time I screamed it so loud the words scratched against my throat on their departure. His hands came up defensively, his palms out, those blue eyes filled with concern and completely fixed on me.

"Jamie.." Rage was flooding my veins, adrenaline not thoughts fuelling me now.

"Who the fuck do you think you are!? Coming into my house, telling me everything's going to be ok? That you're going to take care of me? I'm not a fucking child, I can take care of myself. I can take care of my own mother. I don't fucking need you!" I wasn't thinking, I was just screaming, only hearing the blood rushing in my ears. Not hearing the smashing of glass as I threw drinking glass after drinking glass against the floors and walls. I had no target, I just grabbed and threw. Grabbed and threw. My pain and fury swirling together, dragging me under and violently erupting from me in a a craze of destruction.

The look of pity he gave me only added fuel to the already out of control fire within me. His pity was gasoline to the forest fire raging inside of me. I didn't need his fucking pity party, I was fucking fine. I didn't need him. He would leave just like everyone else did. A glass barely missed him, crashing against the wall next to his head, a splinter slicing across his cheek bone, drawing blood.

I froze, I had just violently assaulted my teacher. Shit. This was how it ended – I was going to get thrown into jail where I'd be left to rot.

His hand rose to his cheek, smearing the thin line of crimson through his stubble.

Any trace of his earlier sympathy disappeared. All emotion disappeared from his face. His jaw set, ice cold glaciers formed in his cool blue eyes.

"Stop." He had barely raised his voice, I could barely hear him, but I did. My mouth opened to scream at him to get out again but a small tilt of his head and a raise of his eyebrow that dared me to defy him had my screams getting caught in my throat. All of the adrenaline left me then. He was probably going to call the cops now – I deserved it. I was a piece of a shit, not half the man my dad was. God I was so glad my dad wasn't here to see what a disappointment I'd become.

My shoulders slumped and I slowly slid down the kitchen cabinets till I found myself sitting on the shattered glass that lined the kitchen floorboards.

Julian walked over to me, uncaring of the shattered pieces of glass piercing the soles of his feet. He loomed over me, looking larger than he ever had before as I looked up at him. I resigned myself to my fate and braced myself for the harsh words that he was sure to spit in my face imminently.

"Good boy. Now do you have a Dustpan and brush?" I sat stunned, my brain short circuiting, barely processing his words. Where was his justified anger? I'd just thrown a glass at his face! It took me a minute to realise he'd asked me a question and he was waiting for my response.

I barely managed a nod.

"I'm going to need you to use your words, Jamie." I gulped; my throat felt raw from the screaming as I rasped out...

"Yes Jul..." He put his hand up to silence me.

"No, not Julian. We tried that. Now, now it's Sir to you." I sucked in a breath. I was crushed, that he'd taken that privilege of using his first name away from me. I was exhausted now that all my adrenaline had left me, and my fight had left with it.

"Yes Sir." The slight uplift at the corner of his lips and the glimmer in his eyes had my pulse picking up again and something indescribable stirred deep inside of me. He offered me his hand and I grasped It firmly, grateful for the help as he tugged me up.

As I reached my full height, looking up at him as he looked down at me, our faces a mere inch apart and those glaciers behind his eyes had melted and now were a burning inferno, boring into my soul. Our hands still clasped together.

"You're right, you're not a child Jamie. So, stop acting like one. Clean this mess up and then you and me are going to figure out how you're going to help yourself because no one can do it for you." His words were barely a murmur, I could feel his breath tickling against my lips and it was as though my lungs deflated when he took a sudden step away from me. I should have felt hurt at his words and I did feel cold then without the warmth of his body against mine but staring into the blue twin flames burning in his eyes, I did not feel alone.