HOUSE OF CARDS || VKOOK

Chapter 36: Guilt is what makes us vulnerable

He hates to treat Jungkook like he's treating him now because he understands Jungkook's situation. He understands what it feels to be having one-sided feelings for someone. Though the blonde always appears to be untouchable or indomitable, Taehyung knows more than anyone else that having one-sided feelings has been definitely hurting the younger male crucially.

He has seen the slight hint of hurt through the younger's orbs and that makes him feel like nothing but shit.

And now that he thinks about it, he just can't break all the links with Jungkook just with a snap of a finger either. Not after Jungkook acquires romantic feelings for him. He knows letting go also going to hurt Jungkook. It's like, no matter what decision he takes, the younger is still getting hurt this way or the other.

Taehyung groaned when his overthinking's yet again didn't let his brain relax for some juncture. The honey brown head leans his forehead against the front of his wrist, the cigarette slowly burning between his fingers and getting smaller in size. His elbow was resting over on the top of his knee, and his other arm remains in its previous position, holding the thick glass of wine.

A small, almost faint sob escapes through Taehyung's sealed lips while they curve downward into a frown. Taehyung feels pathetic. Pathetic and guilty that he has dragged Jungkook into his mess unknowingly. If he would know the other would nurture feelings for him, he would never try to get close to the younger without sorting everything out with his husband.

He never took Jungkook as a guy who'll fall for him someday, and that too, this soon. In the span of a month.

And now he can't do anything but cry, cry pathetically. Like a vulnerable excuse of a man. That's what he thinks.

Taehyung's phone again rang up. First, he tried to ignore the ringing. Pretending he didn't hear it, pretending he's a deaf dumb motherfucker like he always has been with his husband. A dumb human who always thought there going to be a chance between him and Jimin when he was proved wrong multiple times but decided to ignore the signs.

And just like that, he yet again failed to ignore the oh-so-familiar ringing of his phone. He peeks at the phone screen through his blurry vision. The continued sobs and hiccups kept escaping through his throat even though he was trying his best to control them.

He doesn't even want to show his pathetic side to himself.

Taehyung silently cried while he stares at Jungkook's name flashing bright through the screen. Losing his control and not being able to handle the median guilt anymore, he snatched the phone from the floor and threw it right across the wall from where he was sitting, of course, the phone broke and the ringing immediately stopped.

He gulped down the whole alcohol in one go and took a long drag from the cigar before gently hitting the back of his head against the wall again. Letting out a sigh when the room yet again fell into a deafening silence.

His chest slightly heaves up and down as sweat formulates from the hair follicles even though the room was air-conditioned. He clenched his jaw tightly as he finally was able to stop his sobs but who he was faking it to? Who he was lying to? Because the tears that kept rolling down from the corner of his eyes say otherwise.

But did Taehyung notice? Did he notice that throughout the whole mental breakdown, he was only thinking about Jungkook? Did he notice he didn't even think of Jimin for once?

Did he notice that he was only caring about Jungkook? He was feeling guilty that he brought the younger into his mess unknowingly.

Did he? No, he didn't.

And if you ask him, he'll just brush it off saying he was only guilty and feeling bad for the younger that he has to go through the feelings he's currently going through. That the blonde is not amassing his utopian feelings back from Taehyung just like he never received from Jimin.