The Dark Heir - Nyx

43. Theia

Her breath shook as his knee bent between hers, trapping her entirely. Her fear fed into fight, and she wanted to bite. Her eyes narrowed on his, her lips quirking up into a smile. She was so fucking tired of him and this domination he tried to use against her.

"You're lonely, aren't you?" She began in a whisper, her eyes dropping to his bared teeth. "You don't believe in love, because nobody has ever shown you that it's real. Rhysand and Cassian found love, but you never did. You're alone, and you don't trust me because love is my only claim. That's sad, isn't it?"

The blade dug beneath her chin, his furious eyes snapping from her mouth to her eyes. Theia smiled at him, slipping her hand between them and gripping his wrist.

"Do you want to kill me because Nyx found me at a quarter of your age? He's in love so young, yet you have never experienced it. What a fucking shame," she spat, shoving his wrist back. The blade sliced her skin, but she didn't pay it any mind. She was too focused on the fact that she was stupid.

She was nothing, and Azriel was a trained warrior, spymaster, and used to using his body to dominate others. Before she could suck in a breath, Azriel's hand was on the back of her head, her cheek pressed against the wall, and his body against hers.

"You've always been full of yourself, but I miss when you didn't fucking talk so much. You don't know anything about me, but I know everything about you. I know that you stabbed Nyx, I know that you tried to kill him in his bedroom, and I know that you crumble every time he touches you. You hate him, but you love his body, is that right? He says pretty words, makes you come, and you become anything he wants.

"It isn't love. It's manipulation. We are all very good at that. Look at his father, who do you think raised him? Do you think Nyx is going to be a good and honest male throughout his life? No. He's going to lie to you, he's going to hurt you, and you know that. So why the fuck are you with him? What could you possibly have planned for this court?"

Theia closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath. She let his words sink in, the truth she'd been running from aching like a dagger to the gut. Azriel was mostly right, but wrong about one thing. Nyx loved her. She felt it in his touch, heard it in his voice. He could hurt her, lie to her, and she knew he would, but he still loved her.

"Do you want to know what I want?" Theia finally snapped, her voice muffled with the way her cheek was pressed into the wall. She couldn't turn, not with his body between her wings.

"So badly," Azriel purred, his grip tightening on her hair. Theia sucked in a breath, trying to shoot him a glare.

"I want stability. I want a life where I'm not afraid at every fucking moment. I want a life where I'm not searching for the next body to climb onto to forget about my past. I don't want to live in that fucking village because every time I'm there, my life falls apart. I want to be part of a family, even if it's only Feyre who cares for me, because I want a mother that won't hate me for starving myself to keep her alive. I want to live, Azriel, and if loving Nyx is my way to do that, then I fucking will."

Azriel was still against her back, his breath hot against her ear. Theia turned her head, meeting his gaze. Her breathing went shallow, his eyes on her lips. His body pressed tighter against hers, her eyes squeezing shut when she felt it.

"Don't," she croaked. His breathing went ragged, his head dropping between her shoulders. The stoic Shadowsinger was falling apart behind her, and Theia didn't know what to do. From every story she'd ever heard of him, every experience she'd ever had, Azriel never let emotions slip. She'd seen him laugh maybe only once, but Nyx knew him better.

"Why are you doing this?" Theia whispered. He wasn't attracted to her, Nyx shouldn't be either. She didn't have ethereal beauty like Feyre, Nesta, Elain, Mor, all of the females they knew each day. There was nothing special about her. Nyx was attracted to her by pure chance, or desperation, and Azriel was just lonely.

"Why the fuck does that kid have someone?" Azriel asked, though it sounded like he was speaking to himself. His forehead rested against the base of her neck, his fingers still dug into her hair. She felt his dagger against her waist, like he was contemplating stabbing her.

"Let me go. Let me go and we can talk if you want, but I am sick of being the target for your wrath. Get your blade away from me and step away," Theia begged, pushing her body against the wall. It wasn't that she wouldn't have wanted him at one point, who wouldn't? He was beautiful, but he wasn't Nyx.

Azriel shoved off of her, sheathing his blade and running his hands through his hair. Theia slowly turned, keeping her eyes on him as though he'd attack her again.

"I don't want to fucking talk to you," Azriel sneered. Theia knew his emotions were overwhelming, especially for a male who didn't let himself feel them often. He wanted to hurt people just so his own hurting would subside.

"Then don't. But you need to stop blaming me for a situation that doesn't exist. I have nothing planned against the Night Court, the High Lord, or Nyx. I just want a better life, that's all I want, and Nyx wants to give that to me."

Azriel's eyes shot to hers, his scruff-covered jaw clenching. His face was shadowed, as if he were about to become one. His eyes were harsh, though he turned them away as he ran his hand over his mouth.

"He's going to want to kill you when he smells you on me," Theia murmured, breaking the silence. Azriel dipped his chin, meeting her eyes through the shadow of his brows. Fear numbed her skin, and perhaps excitement, too. Her back hit the wall again when he lunged forward, catching her chin in his hand. Her lips parted, uneven breaths wracking her chest. His eyes fell to her mouth, his grip tightening.

Oh Gods, it felt like it had when Nyx did this to her. The excitement sparking in her belly, back when her death loomed and Nyx fucked her. It was the excitement of not knowing if she was going to die, or feel mind-numbing pleasure.

"You've lived a terrible life, seen things no child should have. You were grown far too quickly, faced death too many times, fell in love with the villain. How do you still look so innocent? It makes no sense. He's ruined you, yet you look like you have experienced nothing."

Theia squeezed her eyes shut, clenched her fists at her sides. She felt guilty for feeling excited about this. He didn't want her, but it felt like he did. Suddenly, his breath wasn't on her skin, his hand wasn't on her jaw. Theia opened her eyes, seeing him straighten his jacket and glance down the stairs.

"Their meeting is over. I'm guessing you're next."

With that, Azriel turned and marched down the stairs, distant voices climbing from the main floor. Theia stayed against the wall, her chest heaving and nausea rising again.