What Are We?

Chapter 5

Now 

We lose our concentration on our story telling as we hear the distant sound of laughter coming from across the river. A group of people exists the same restaurant we ate at a short while a go. They could be friends, families, lovers, coworkers even. It's hard to know much about anything when looking at other people from a distance. We'd have to be one of them to truly understand the mechanics of their connections to one another. 

They hug their goodbyes and make their way to the parking lot. They divide up into cars that are dispensed amongst the rows. The engines purr. The red lights glow. The gravel crunches underneath tires as they roll away until once again Charlie and I are left to ourselves in the stillness of the night.

I adjust myself on the cold metal of the bench underneath me, seeping through my jeans. I stick my hands in my pockets to keep them warm as I think back to my early high school memories with Charlie. 

"Are these the memories you think of when you think about me?" Charlie asks. "Not complaining, but they seem so...inconsequential. All I did was throw out a plate or have a conversation with you. Are they that critical to think about?"

I nod my head yes. "Of course Charlie! Those are the days when we were getting to know each other. We weren't super close yet. Our friendship was in the early stages of development. It could have gone either way."

Charlie straightens his legs in front of him to get a stretch in. "Right. But we're here, so we already know how this worked out. Wouldn't it be more helpful to focus on the big moments of or friendship? Like when we-"

"Shhhhhh. We'll get there," I smirk at him in the dark. "Remembering the little things makes us appreciate the big things more.  It may not seem like a lot to share a music stand at rehearsals or to wish me a happy birthday, but at the time those were our big moments to me. They were the times you showed me kindness and sweetness when I needed it most. They stuck with me then and they stick with me now.  Those were the days when I was growing fond of you in ways I couldn't explain to my pubescent brain."

Charlie turns to look at me with a raised eyebrow and I can just make out in the moonlight. "Are you really trying to woo me with words like pubescent? Because I think you might have lost me."

I give him a gentle swat on his arm. "I try to give you a compliment and that's what you focus on? Unbelievable. No wonder it's taken so long to have this conversation.  You're so hard to get through to.  I'm trying to tell you how much I appreciated all the times you made my smile and brought joy to my life in some of the hardest days of my life and you chose to focus on puberty?"

"To be fair, puberty did some wonderful things for you." I catch Charlie taking a quick glance down at my chest. I can feel myself blushing bright red in the dark. I'm hoping the shadows of the night hide it well. 

"Moving on," I say as I roll my head back far enough to rest my neck on the bench. "You changed my life in more ways that one that year. My whole high school experience would have been completely different if it hadn't been for you."

I feel Charlie slouch down to mimic my posture on the bench. "How so?"

"I have a confession to make," I left out a big huff. "This may rattle you to your core. I hate swimming. I hated swim team. I was looking forward to finally being able to quite like Ally and Rachel once I hit high school. I had other things I wanted to do with my life."

I feel Charlie bolt up on the bench and stare at me. I can feel his shock radiate off his body with the same intensity of if I had told him I secretly had a third arm."What? No way! You loved swimming. We always had a good time. Right? I didn't imagine that." 

"No, you didn't" I concede. "I really enjoyed myself and I'm really glad you intervened. I wouldn't have had those amazing experiences and gained life-long friends it weren't for you.  But the truth is, I was never planning to join the swim team.

"Then why did you, Jenna?" Charlie asked me, confusion dripping off his tongue.

"Isn't it obvious?" I ask him. "I had a crush on the hottest guy on the team."

"You did not!" Charlie exclaimed. "I would have remembered that."

I shrug my shoulders once again. "Maybe you just weren't paying close enough attention. I guess you don't remember it the way that I do."

Charlie seems to hesitantly consider what I said. "So then, how do you remember it?"