The Tales of the Dragon Warrior

What Kind of Fuckery is This?

The old man approached her, gave her a comforting smile, and used his staff to raise Jade's right hand up, because he was much shorter than her. Jade looked out at the crowd in shock and confusion, and their expressions mirrored her own.

"The universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior!", the old man declared. Jade felt what little understanding she thought she had of the situation drain away.

"Wha?", she exclaimed un-eloquently.

"What?!", the five men, who she was now facing, screamed. Four of them looked at her in shock, but carrot top looked like he wanted to rip her throat out and was only restraining himself because of the old guy.

"What?!", Jade heard a man she couldn't see exclaim from high up, like he couldn't believe the BS that had just occurred. Jade agreed with his sentiment.

A gong sounded, loud cheering began, confetti rained down, drums and a tune Jade found oddly familiar began to play. Now that she thought about it, the whole situation was oddly familiar, but she had no idea why.

The five men could only stare in shock as a glamorous palanquin descended from the stairs above them, carried by a crowd of attendants. The attendants each took her hand, helping her climb a small set of portable golden steps and had her take a seat within the beautiful structure. Distantly, she could hear someone protesting the whole situation. The green silk curtains of the palanquin shut, and the last thing Jade saw before she was carried off was the smile of the old man and the uncertain faces of the five men.

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Jade looked around in confusion as the palanquin curtains opened again. She could feel she had been carried up a lot of stairs. She had probably been in there for about half an hour. She was being let out into a temple of some sort. The stairs were put below her again. This was where she was expected to get off.

Jade climbed down the stairs and looked at her surroundings strangely, still clutching her backpack like a vice. The attendants bowed to her, took the palanquin (which had a golden dragon's head and tail attached to it that she had never noticed), and quickly backed out of the temple, closing the two large doors they had entered through behind them. Jade turned around and stared at the doors. She blinked, blinked again, and then all the self restraint she had went out the window.

"What in the name of Satan's fake tits was that?", she asked in false calm, because the whole situation was wilder than a pig on LSD. Jade began to feel her anxiety rise.

"Okay, okay Jade; you're in a strange place that's probably China, and you have no idea what's going on. Okay, that's a lie, you're apparently the 'Dragon Warrior' now, and you may or may not have just joined a cult. Zoo-we-fuckin'-mama.", the girl said to herself, trying to gather her thoughts. Once she had some semblance of confidence that she was going to be fine, she started looking around the temple, finally noticing how beautiful it was. The whole place seemed to be made out of jade, with dragons carved along the columns holding the place up and traditional Chinese paintings on the walls. It was breathtaking.

"Wow, this place is gorgeous... I wonder if I can get away with stealing something.", Jade breathed in awe, before a sly expression overtook her features. She started walking around the various podiums of artifacts in the room, trying to find one worth stealing. Eventually, she came across a set of armor that had a helmet in the shape of a rhino's head. Knowledge that shouldn't have been there filled her head and words started flying out of her mouth.

"Master Xi Liu 'The Flying Rhino's armor, said to have been what he wore when he faced the swamp bandit tribe thirty years ago- what the fuck was that?!", Jade prattled off unconsciously. She looked at the armor strangely. She shouldn't have known that. Walking away from the object that caused her to act so strangely, she went over to a seemingly empty weapon stand. Her mind supplied that it was, surprisingly, not empty.