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8 Jun 2023, 11:34 pm
Benjamin Montecillo
benjcillo
What happened, Shev? Bat ka umiiyak kanina?
I don't know what to do, Benj.
Alam ko kung anong gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. Pero paano ko gagawin 'yon kung hindi ko magawang suwayin ang mga magulang ko?
Just because I finished accountancy iyon na dapat ang maging trabaho ko? Can I just do what I want and what I love?
I graduated 5 years ago. I tried my best to work happily as an accountant and you know that. Pero anong magagawa ko kung hindi talaga ito ang gustong gawin ng katawan ko?
They are pushing me to apply to this company, to that company, here and there. Pero hindi ba talaga nila makita na hindi ako masaya sa ginagawa ko? Yes, there are times that I am happy, na nag-eenjoy ako sa ginagawa ko. But I can't really see myself doing that all my life!
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I want to do arts—heck, I love doing arts. I want to make illustrations. I want to be a graphic artist, a graphic designer. Pero bakit ang liit-liit ng tingin nila sa pangarap kong 'yon?
Oo, naiintindihan ko namang iniisip lang din nila ang future ko. That being an accountant can give me money. That being an accountant can save my future. Pero future lang ba ang mahalaga? How about the present? How about the feelings I'm feeling right now? Is it not important? Do I really need to think about the future ALL THE TIME? Can't I just think about the ME NOW?
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I've been feeling stressed and I'm having an anxiety these past months. I can't even sleep properly. But heck, nahihirapan man akong matulog, mas nanaisin ko pang hindi magising kaysa isipin 'tong problema ko.
Shev. Wag yan. Wag ganyan
I'm sorry, but I'm really lost right now. Not just now but even these past months. Even the time we're still together. Hindi ko lang magawang sabihin sa'yo dahil ayaw kitang madamay sa pag-iisip. You have your own problems at ayaw kong makadagdag pa.
But yes, I'm lost. And I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.
