Hurt | Remus Lupin

~61~ Anger

Mad-Eye said nothing as I back away, and ran out the door. 

"Sara?" Remus was surprised when I walked in through the door. "What are you doing here so early?" he jumped up from where he was reading on the couch.

I trembled. "I quit."

Remus blinked. "What?"

"I quit. I- I got mad- I quit. Oh my Merlin I quit! I quit I can't go back! I'm a mess! I don't-" realizing my mistake, I felt like I couldn't breath. "Mad-Eye is going to hate me forever. He's going to- Remus-" I wheezed.

"Come here. Deep breaths." Remus gathered me in his arms and helped me onto the couch. "Breath Sara. Tell me what happened. Don't leave anything out."

I took a few deep breaths and looked Remus in the eye. "Tonks told Mad-Eye about what happened with Dung. She told him how I panicked and how he managed to escape and how he hurt me in the process. So Mad-Eye got mad, naturally, but then he kept saying how I can't ever do anything right, and how I haven't learned anything from training." I sighed. "I got so angry, because I'm so fucking tired of hearing him tell me that at every training."

"What does he say?" asked Remus softly, stroking my hair. 

"He's always telling me I suck. He's always implying that I'll never be as good as Tonks. I'm tired of hearing that." I said angrily. 

"And what did you say?" he asked, pressing his forehead against the side of my head. 

I sighed. "I told him I was tired of hearing it, and that I know I suck. I know I'm not good enough, but I don't need him to keep shoving that down my throat everyday. I told him I hate that." I heaved a deep breath. "And then I told him I quit, and then I ran out and came here." I pressed my face into my hands. "I ruined everything. I ruined my life. I ruined my future because I let my anger get the best of me. I am so fucking stupid. I always do this. I always let my anger get to me."

"Sara, it's normal-" Remus started.

I cut him off. "But I ruined my life Remus! Don't you get that? I just, I quit my training! Mad-Eye will never let me back on! He's probably glad I left. Maybe he was even trying to rile me so that i leave." I laughed hollowly. "I'm a loser. I'm a failure."

He grabbed my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. "You are not a lose. You are not a failure. You are one of the strongest, bravest and scariest girls I know. Do not bring yourself down." he said firmly. 

"You're just saying that because you're my boyfriend." I said. "You have to."

"No Sara, I'm saying this because it's true. I'm your boyfriend, so that means I have to be honest. When you do something stupid, I tell you so...right?"

I smiled slightly. "Yes."

"So right now, I'm telling you the truth." he kissed my forehead. 

Just then, there was a knock at the door and Remus ran to get it. I heard talking, and my ears picked up on the voice of Mad-Eye. He stumped into the room, with Remus and Tonks behind him. 

"Finnigan." Mad-Eye said, sitting down next to me.

"Moody." I said coldly. 

His magic eye whizzed around. "You didn't quit."

"What?"

"I'm not letting you quit." he said gruffly. 

"Why?" I asked, surprised. "I was sure you were waiting for the day I decided to leave."

He shook his head. "No, Finnigan. You are one of the best we have. I'm just....hard on you. I'm hard on everyone."

I sighed. "I know."