Mi Amor - His Irresistible Addiction

Mafia love

    I could hear him yelling, his voice echoing through in my head. Hey! Echo you can do better than this! What is going on! You did so much better yesterday today you seem off!
    All i hear is my trainer yelling it got to the point where i just started to tune his voice out, my mind not wanting me to breakdown. I knew I wasn't doing as good as yesterday I could do more reps yesterday and had more energy. I also knew he wasn't saying those words to be mean and that he was just trying to help me preform better by making observations.
    Deep down I knew that but part of me just wanted to cry because of all the pressure put on me to be perfect and as good as I was yesterday of not better. It took all the energy I had to not cry or breakdown or even start to tear up because I was always told not to by my mates and elders also in the mafia to them it was a sign of weakness.
     Eventually his comments started to feel like bullets and I couldn't take it anymore. I was so zoned out I didn't even notice the tears or that I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't take it anymore. He yells again, you honestly don't look like you're even trying that hard anymore!
    Hearing that statement was what made me snap back at him finally, I am fucking trying very hard and you're fucking yelling isn't making me preform any fucking better so just fucking shut up. Before I fuck you up real hard!!! I couldn't believe I just said that!
    Thats when my thoughts started to spiral around my head and I couldn't think straight. What is he going to do to me? Why did I even say that? He's going to kill me! I can't breathe! I think I'm going to die! I can't see straight, I'm shaking, my breath starts to get more shallow and heavy.
     I feel someone come up behind me and wrap their arms around me and sitting me down on a nearby bench I don't know how to feel about this I start to breakdown knowing I not supposed to cry or show much emotion at all so i breakdown even further and lean up against this person's chest hoping they don't mind.
     I slowly start to come back to reality realizing the state I'm in thinking I'm in trouble. I look up to see Chris, my trainer holding me against him not letting me go rubbing my back trying to comfort me whispering things along the lines of, love I need you to breathe, copy my breathing, it's ok you're not in trouble I just need you to breathe, take deep breaths, in and out, ok? In and out you're safe. I start to calm down and my breathing starts to become more normal. I'm still a little shaky but start to breathe more normal knowing I'm ok and not in trouble.
    Echo, talk to me Chris mutters. I finally manage to whisper a few words, I'm sorry, I don't want to disappoint you and I'm sorry for crying even though I know I'm not supposed. I don't know whats happening to me I start to cry tears streaming down my face uncontrollably.
    Hey, Chris whispers in my ear its ok you can talk to to me I know how it feels to have all this pressure build up and not wanting to cry. I sometimes feel the same way Chris pulls me closer to his chest as I cry into it I start to fall asleep my eyes heavy, still crying. Chris picks me up and helps me walk to my bedroom. He lays me down as I go to sleep pulling the blanket towards up over me I soon pass out, asleep.
     I wake up two hours later having a bad dream it was terrifing I couldn't breathe and tears started to take over. I soon found myself awake tiptoing in the hallway towards Chris's bedroom. I tiptoe across he room silent not wanting to wake anyone I gently move the blanket back and curl up against Chris. Chris rolls over to see what's going on, half asleep as I start to worry. I'm shaking. Not knowing what might happen next. Chris kisses my forehead pulling me closer to him. Love you okay? Yeah, Chris I'm fine I just had a terrifing dream where I die and couldn't sleep. Ok, I'm here for you if you need someone, but you should get some sleep for tomorrow's mission B.O.S.S said there was a mission tomorrow but he didn't say who it was for. I fall asleep after awhile to the sound of his breathing and the warmth of his chest circulating around me.

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