right where you left me

Chapter 44 - Castles Crumbling

"Can I come in?" a voice said, and I recognized it straight away.

"Come in," I said, sitting up. It was Steph.

"Hi," she said, coming beside me and sitting on the bed.

"Hi," I answered.

"What's happened?" she asked. "Why are you here?" I looked down, not wanting to speak. Not wanting to confront the issues I had been running away from. "You can talk to me, Tipp." She grabbed my hand, as tears soon started to stream down my face.

"I fucked everything up," I said, through my tears. "I ruined the one good thing in my life."

"What are you talking about?" Steph asked.

"I tried, Stephy. I tried so hard. I wanted to be better. I thought I was doing everything right but- but- but my thoughts they- they overcame me. I can't do-" she put her arms around me straight away, holding me close to her chest as my own started moving too quickly to manage. I thought I would collapse, right there and then, but I didn't. She held me, so tight I thought my heart started slowing just by her touch. I needed this. I needed my friend.

"You're okay," she said, calmingly. "You're going to be okay."

I fell asleep and woke up alone in my room. I heard voices outside the room, and I snuck, quietly, out to the hallway.

"What did she do?" Caitlin asked, whispering softly.

"She didn't say," Steph answered. "But it mustn't have been good."

"I thought she wasn't drinking anymore," Caitlin asked.

"Neither did I. Something must've happened. Has Leah said anything?" Steph questioned, turning her attention to Lia who was sitting beside Caitlin.

"She's not saying anything," Lia replied.

"Does she know that Tipp is here? With you guys?" Steph asked.

"She hasn't asked, and I thought better than to say anything," Lia answered.

"Probably smart," Steph added. "I just- I thought everything was okay. I thought they were happy."

"They were happy," Lia then said. "I saw them, we all did. Something happened, recently. Something happened that night. But the only question is what."

"Should we do something?" Caitlin asked, looking at both her girlfriend and her friend.

"What other choice do we have?"

I soon walked away, before heading back into bed, taking a sleeping pill to calm the thoughts. I needed rest. I needed peace.

The next few days felt as if they were in slow motion. I felt every feeling. Heard every thought. And hurt every intrusion. Life felt as if it was motioning against me. I didn't know how to react to anything.

I only saw her once. She was on the pitch, and I was walking to rehab. I tried not to look but as I glanced only once, she was staring at me. Our eyes caught. There was a longing that I felt, between us both. But I soon hurried away. I couldn't deal with the pain - hers or mine or ours.

Eden kept texting me, wanting to make sure I was okay, and now that I was using an old Nokia I had found in the supermarket, it takes several minutes to reply with only a few words.

+49 456 765 838: how r u today?

Tippah: fine

+49 456 765 838: im assuming the lack of words is the nokia's fault. Should i call?

Tippah: tn? 7?

+49 456 765 838: okay!! Love u!

Tippah: ly