Life For Now

Chapter 3

By the time I'm at my door, im out of breath from dragging myself up the three flights of stairs leading to my floor.

When i pull out my key and unlock the door, im reminded that no ones in, since my sisters at school and my mums at work. I go straight to my room and decide to read a book I haven't read in weeks to pass the time.

When i hear the front door open and close, im half way through the book. I quickly mark the page im on, before placing it on my bed and getting up to see who it is.

Opening my bedroom door, i see my sister sitting on the stairs across from the front door, taking off her shoes.

"What?" She says, looking up at me with her blue eyes, only they aren't as bright as usual.

"Nothing..." I pause, taking in her sour tone. "How was school?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Fine" She says before walking up the stairs to her room, leaving me in the dark hall alone.

Our flat isn't that big, but its homely enough for the three of us. Downstairs theres the bathroom, my mums room, then mine right across from hers. Upstairs theres my sisters room, the living room and the kitchen, which has the most breath taking view of the sun setting.

When i hear my sisters bedroom door slam shut, i go back to mine to continue reading, but i cant help but get distracted to thoughts of my sisters dry and bitchy tone. I mean she is 14, so maybe its just her hormones or her period. Settling on that conclusion, i go back to reading.

. . .

My mum gets home at around eight. I hear her lock the front door and go up stairs, dropping what sounds like multiple bags from above me.

Did she go shopping? I think to myself.

"Brianna!" My mum shouts from upstairs, bringing me out of my thoughts of her shopping.

"Yeah?!" I shout back, but she doesn't answer. So i sit my book back down on my bed and go upstairs to see what she wants.

"What?" I ask, walking into the kitchen where my mums unpacking the shopping, her breathing hitched.

"What have you done today?" She asks, catching her breath and turning to look at me from the cupboard. Her voice lower than it was before, but still laced with something i dont quite get.

"Nothing" I shrug, trying to guess her mood.

"Exactly!!" She screams, surprising me. "You have done nothing all day, while I've been at work and your sisters been at school!!" She catches her breath before continuing, "It's ridiculous how lazy you are sometimes!!" She sighs, her angry eyes pouring into mine.

When she's done, I turn my head to see Lucy standing outside her bedroom looking at me, then at our mum.

"You need to hurry up and get a job, because I can't afford to have you around and pay for you when you do nothing!!" She continues to shout, which snaps my head back into her direction.

"I'm trying to!" I raise my voice, which increases her breathing and reddens her face. I sigh trying to calm myself before continuing, "But it's not that easy when people would rather employ 18 year olds than 16 year olds" I say, hoping she hears the desperation in my voice. I think she forgets that I want a job just as much as she needs me to have one. It's not fun for me to have to depend on others to pay my way through life, when I'm old enough to do it my own.

"When!?" She screams. I don't think she heard the desperation. "I've never seen you apply for any" She says, sarcasm laced in her voice.

"I have!" I shout, the sarcastic look on her face getting on my nerves. "I applied for one of those jobs on the poster you gave me yesterday"

"Ok? But you still haven't done anything today" She says, changing the subject.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask, in defeat.

"I don't know Bria" She rolls her fake lashed eyes, "Maybe do the dishes, or hoover the stairs!" She shouts, angering me more.

"None of the dishes are mine!"

"That doesn't matter, you don't do anything all day!!"

"But it's you and Lucys mess. Why should I be the one to clean up your mess?" She's really starting to piss me off.

"Because me and Lucy are working and at school. You don't even have a job!" She screams.

"I'm trying mum!" I scream back, my voice cracking and I know I'm on the verge of tears.

"Well try harder, because your starting to become a disappointment"

• • •

Your starting to become a disappointment, your starting to become a disappointment, Your starting to become a disappointment, Your starting to become a disappointment, Your starting to become a disappointment.

Her words play over and over in my head, causing my stomach to twirl and my heart to crack. I had never thought that those words would ever leave my mums mouth, and I never thought that If they had, I would have to wonder if she's right. Most people say that parents don't normally mean what they say to their kids out of anger, and in any other circumstances, I would consider that that's exactly why she said it, but looking in her dark blue eyes, I can see it, the disappointment laced behind them.

I'm still standing in the kitchen, her words echoing in my head like the beat of an unwanted drum. The rooms quiet, so quiet that it's the loudest thing I've ever heard. My mum looks away from me, and continues to unpack the shopping as if the last five minutes didn't just happen.

"Ok" I swallow, my voice too defeat to shout anymore.

I turn on my heals and head for the stairs, passing my sister, who, seems just as shocked as I am. When I get to my room, a tear is rolling down my face and my stomach won't stop swallowing itself. I need to get out of here, for some air or something, but I can't be here.

I wipe the tear that's half way down my cheek, and pick up my jacket from the rack in the hall. I'll go on a walk for a while, to clear my head and for some air. All the air feels like it's evaporated from me in the last few minutes, making it harder for me to breath.

I stand at the front door, my hand hesitant on the handle as I wait for my sister to just appear at the top of the stairs, insisting on coming on this walk with me. After a minute of waiting, I hold my breath and walk out the door, alone, making sure to slam it so my mum knows I've left. I want her to worry.

I push open the blue painted door that leads to the outside, the cold air soothing me from the overwhelming tears that are bound to flood me any minute. I take a right from my building, and head straight towards the water. It's dark out, making the street lamps and the moon the only source of light. We recently got a new walking path built, adding to the posh scenery of broughty ferry. I walk through the black gate attached to a hip length stone wall, walking on the similar stone path looking out onto the water.

I swipe my hand along the black metal fence without a thought, letting the sound of the waves take over my mums words that seem to have worked their way back in my head.

I finally reach the half broken wooden bench me and Lucy claimed on a walk once. I wish she would've came after me, or at least followed me to my room to ask if i was okay. But she didn't even bother following me, or trying to see if i was fine. Instead, I'm sat here on this bench, alone.