Teaching Chay

Chapter 16

"I thought so. I even gave Porsche a way out when we were kidnapped. I told him to run away, take his brother and live his dream and I would tell everyone he died in the woods somewhere. It almost killed me, but I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted to be happy at his expense."

"Why didn't he do it?"

"Porsche came back to save me when they opened fire on me less than a minute later. He did the same thing when the compound was attacked. He just showed up when he shouldn't have and saved me, almost got shot by Vegas and still stayed. Through all the violence and Pa's mind games."

"I tried to keep Chay away from that kind of life, but it didn't work when Porsche stayed and then it turned out that his mother was part of the family. I still think he would have been happier away from it all, but that was never his or my choice. If there was a way to get him out without hurting him more, I would do it. I hate that our father has been dead for months and we still don't know what's going to happen or how to protect Chay from it."

"I think we would all live a different and perhaps happier life if we had ever had the chance to leave. Who knows what I would do or who Khun would be," Kinn muses and takes another sip of his drink. "You're thinking about tomorrow." It's not a question, Kinn knows.

"Yes. I'm trying to prepare myself for the possible outcomes: What if Chay is right and their father is still alive? In what condition will we find him? What has he been through? Will he recognise his sons or not? What if we find him and he's dead? Either because we're too late, or because he's been dead for some time. And what if he's not there? What if they have another sister or brother that nobody knows about? What if there's someone in there who's not related to them? What will happen to Namphueng in any of these scenarios? How can we get her help and finally find out what is really going on with her?" Kim rattled off the questions that kept running through his mind, each one leading to more questions and more possibilities.

"I don't want Porsche to get hurt anymore by this family and the same goes for you with Chay. But I'm afraid that's out of our hands, Kim. Just as it wasn't in our hands what happened with Khun last week."

"So what do we do? Just let them walk blindly into another trap?" Kim is angry now, hating the possibility. For most of his life he's been able to at least roughly predict what his father will do next, but this time he's in the dark and he hates it.

"I think we are protecting them as much as we can and will be there for them in the aftermath. Porsche is mostly worried about his brother and mother, not so much about himself.

"Chay is worried about Porsche. But that doesn't mean he won't be disappointed or hurt if we find his father dead or in a state where he'd better be dead."

Kinn nods, then stands and refills their drinks before returning to the sofa. "How are you holding up?"

"Fine." Kim shrugs, answering the question reflexively and without thinking. He also feels himself getting defensive, feeling the need to get up and walk away, to get in Kinn's face because of the question.

"I'm not." Kinn's answer surprises Kim, so he waits for his brother to continue. "I feel guilty. I never stopped Pa, never even questioned him. There were moments when I doubted him or wanted to do something different from what he told me, but I always gave in. I wish I had seen him for what he was and done something."

"He started brainwashing you the moment he realised that Khun would never be able to take over. It's easier to see when you're on the outside like me. He never liked me and he let me know."

"To be honest, I always had the impression that he liked you best, even admired you. You were more independent and stronger than Khun and me. He never managed to break you or make you show weakness like I did, and he liked that".