I remember

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Saturday 17th December 2022 Cont...

Sienna POV

I rock back and forth with my hands gripped round my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks and running down my legs, I can't get the image of Lando's face twisted in grief out of my head. I'm trying to figure out how on earth this happened. I can see the empty condom wrapper out of the corner of my eye, like it's taunting me.

I hear the key in the lock and the front door opening, 'Lando?' I get up and stagger to the door 'Lando, I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I don't remember, please forgive me' I stop in my tracks, it's not Lando I see at the door, It's Danny with a look of utter confusion on his face. My legs buckle beneath me and I fall to the floor.

'Danny, I've done something....' I sob 'his face.... He's never going to forgive me....' I feel my chest go tight and suddenly it feels like there's no oxygen in the air. I struggle to breath and my vision goes blurry.

'Hey, hey, hey, Sienna, deep breaths, take deep breathes for me ok, match my breathing' I feel, more than see him sit in front of me and he places his hands either side of my face and forces me to look into his eyes as I do as he's instructed.

'Can you tell me what happened?' he asks once my breathing is a bit more under control.

'That's it, I don't remember.' I manage to squeak out.

'What do you remember?' he prompts.

I take a deep breath, scrunching my nose as I think back to last night. 'I remember being at the club and wanting some fresh air. I went out to the terrace and Oscar appeared and we chatted a little bit. I started to feel unwell so I was going to go back inside and get you, but Oscar offered to drive me home'

'You sent me a text actually, so that confirms that part of the story at least.'

'I vaguely remember Oscar walking me to the door and saying good night. But it's very fuzzy after that.' I sigh. 'Then, this morning I thought it was Lando waking me up, I thought maybe he'd come home early to surprise me. But it wasn't Lando. It was Oscar. Danny, I slept with Oscar' I whispered dejectedly. 'And Lando saw, he saw us in our bed together'

His silence unnerved me, I could feel the disappointment radiating off him, but it was nothing compared to the disappointment I felt in myself. I'm not sure how we were ever going to come back from this.

Lando POV

'She doesn't remember?' I mutter, 'she doesn't remember? She doesn't remember?' Each time I repeat the words my voice gets louder and louder. 'She's blown our life apart and she doesn't even remember'

'She is in pieces, Lando, she remembers up to a certain point but it's hazy after she said goodbye to him at the door to your apartment' Danny had turned up at Max's, I'm assuming after he'd gone to see Sienna to find out what had happened.

'Well I can fill in the blanks for her... she fucked Oscar, they were at it when I walked in the room, there was an empty condom wrapper on my bedside table for god's sake! You can't get anymore clear than that' I'm aware I'm bordering on hysterical but this is the girl I was planning on spending the rest of my life with, the girl I'd waited years for, and now..... I felt untethered. My whole world was turning upside down and crumbling around me.

'Can I tell her you're here?' Danny brings me out of my thoughts.

'You can, but I don't want to see her. I don't think this is something we can come back from, I see them every time I close my eyes.' I pinch my nose as the memory of this morning comes flooding back again. I feel sick to my stomach.

'You know you can stay here as long as you need to' Kelly puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder 'right, Max?'

'Oh yeah, definitely, as long as you need mate' he gives me a small smile, I see the pity in his eyes and it's enough to bring me to tears again.

How could she do this? To me? To us? Was I not enough for her? Was there something missing for her that made her seek solace with him? We were meant to be getting married.

Sienna POV

The apartment doesn't feel like home anymore. It was our sanctuary from the craziness, our retreat, our first real home where we could just be together, but now it feels tainted. I've ruined that. I strip all the bedding off the bed, and throw it in a bin bag along with all the clothes from last night, anything he may have touched. The thought of sleeping in those sheets or wearing that dress again brings on a wave of nausea and I sit on the floor with my back resting against the end of the bed, my head in my hands.

I need a shower, I need to scrub him off my skin.

The water is scalding hot as I step underneath. Normally it would soothe me but right now it's for one reason and one reason only, to try and eradicate Oscar from my body. I rub the sponge over my skin until its red raw, I close my eyes but all I see is the pain that was in his and I hear Oscars taunting words from this morning 'you came onto me'. My legs give way and I collapse onto the floor of the shower, my whole body shakes with the force of my sobs, my tears mix with the water. Why would I have come onto Oscar? Lando is my soulmate, the thought of doing anything with anyone else doesn't make sense to me.

Danny finds me here, the water has long gone cold but I can't bring myself to move. I'm shivering with my arms wrapped round my knees when Danny wraps the warm towel around me and sweeps me into his arms.

'Here take this, this will warm you up' he hands me a steaming cup of tea and sits on the table in front of me, his hands resting on my legs, his eyes staring at me. I can't bear the intensity of his gaze but I can't bear to close my eyes either so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

'Did you see him' I whisper.

'Yeah, I did. He went to Max and Kelly's.'

I nod. 'Did he say anything? Will he allow me to explain?'

He shakes his head, gently 'he's broken, S, he doesn't want to see you.'

I can feel how close I am to tears again, they are ever present behind my eyes, always threatening to spill over.

'I'm going to go home, Danny, I can't stay here. I need my mum. I need her to tell me it's going to be alright. That in time he'll forgive me, that I haven't lost him forever.' I pause, looking at him. 'Can you get rid of that bag over there please, just throw it all away.' I point to the bag of clothes and bedding from last night.

He nods 'Of course. Do you want a lift to the airport?'

'Please'