Without The Words

Chapter 31

There was a time when Halloween meant something to me. Now, as I walked slowly down the hallway to the gym after my classes had breezed by, where supposedly a cross country meeting was being held, I didn't feel the energy.

Perhaps it was just that I lacked enthusiasm, but either way I felt sick every time I passed a student with a stupid costume on.

I knew why it bothered me, obviously. I didn't want to think about it, but my mother not being in my life anymore definitely contributed to my Halloween depression.

My parents and I used to all go together. I remember my mother walking up the steps with me to the doors of houses, nudging me forward and telling me to say thank you every time I walked away.

When I'd get home, we'd separate the candies in piles- a pile for Twix, a pile for KitKats, a pile for Skittles and all the other named candies. Every candy that didn't have a specific name, like the colored gum balls in clear plastic wrappers, would be placed in a pile away from the others because it was different. According to my young mind, the candy had to have a name.

Come to think of it, I isolated a piece of candy just because it was unalike from the others. And now, looking at me, I am the colored gum ball in a trick-or-treating bag.

When I reached the gym, I spotted Vera and silently took a seat next to her. I placed my belongings down and immediately my attention was somehow dragged to Mr. Lee, as if it were a magnetic force. It felt like it, to say the least.

Mr. Lee stepped in front of the students and everybody quieted down.

"Only because it's Halloween, there will be no practice today," Mr. Lee spoke, his eyes falling over all the students, absorbing each and every detail of their teenage faces.

Most of the students cheered or hooted, but out of all the noises, a tiny, sad and unheard sigh escaped my mouth.

"However," he intervened, everybody quieting down again. "Practice will still take place, but it is not mandatory. That is all. Stay safe and please do be careful. I know most of you are going to drink, but please limit the amount and always have a designated and responsible driver." After he said that, his beautiful eyes rotated to me and although he was far away, I held my breath in anticipation.

The students began to hoot again. They all jumped off the bleachers and made their way out of the gym, but I stayed glued to the seat. Vera turned to look at me.

"I would ask you to come to a party with me, but I know you're not really into them," she said, nervously playing with the tips of her blue hair, curling and unwinding it around her pointer finger. "We could just hang out and order a pizza or something, if you'd like."

I could immediately tell that she didn't want to do that. Why should I take away her opportunity to have a good time? Just because I was antisocial didn't mean she had to be dragged along with me. She was probably going to see that guy again, anyways. Donnie, I think his name was. I didn't feel uncomfortable about him anymore, but I still didn't think he was the best influence. But as they all say, to each his own.

I didn't have the room to talk anyways, though. I wasn't exactly in the best position. At least Vera liking Donnie was legal. I sure as hell couldn't say the same.

I took out my worn-out notepad. Go ahead. We can hang out on the weekend or something, I wrote.

"Are you sure?" She asked, her blue doe eyes glancing up at me innocently.

I nodded and she patted me on the hand. "Hang in there." She said softly, her eyes dulling with pity as a sad smile replaced her lips. And she got off the bleachers, and she left, leaving only me on the rows of bleachers, and Mr. Lee and Mr. Falliner talking from afar.