Pretentiously Simple | Kleo

08 | i love you so much it hurts

he drove me home, the silence loud.

every once in a while, i'd remember the past events and shed a small tear not enough to make a sound, but enough for him to see.

"kate..." he'd begin to say.

"please..." i'd finish for him, and that was the rest of our conversation.

i wanted to say how sorry i was. how awful i felt because his life was a mess, and it was all because of me. he hurt too. he didn't show it, because he cared too much to bear that burden on me, but he hurt too. he had to.

when we got to the house, mia was playing with leo's parents. george and irmelin were chuckling as mia made silly noises and smiled her toothless smile.

"mom, dad." leo gave them a wave, and irmelin rose up from the floor with the baby when she heard him. i gave a small wave, mustering up all my courage do to so. i hadn't looked in the mirror, but i knew my eyes were puffy and red. it's what always happens when i cry even a bit.

when she came over, it was evident she could sense there was some sort of elephant in the room, but she just handed me baby mia and ignored it as much as humanly possible.

"how was it?" she asked. i didn't want to answer, but given that she was looking right at me when she said it, i felt i had an obligation to give her just a little bit of information about our interview.

"well," i sighed. "it went alright. she asked us some odd questions at the end of it but that was about it."

i didn't want to lie to her, but i didn't necessarily want her to know everything that happened, either. first, i didn't want her to worry about us. second, i didn't want her to think any less of leo and i. what would she think if she ever knew what everyone else knew? what if she was already everyone else and i was the one who didn't know?

"i'm glad it's just that and nothing else. anyway, if you need anything you have our number." she pat mia on the head and then gestured for george to come over.

"we had a blast with her. she's so easygoing, kate." he was walking toward his wife and then lightly stroked leo by his arm. it was one of those greetings men usually do when they meet up with each other. i never understood why they did that.

i twinkled. "really, i'm pleased. thank you so much for looking after her again."

"you're so welcome. please don't hesitate to ask us again if you need anybody to watch her for work. we love her like she's our grandchild." leo's mother assured me. i mentally froze for a second hearing the last bit, but i shrugged it off because it was obvious she didn't mean anything when she said it.

"of course i won't. next time i might just bring her over to you to save you an hour for here and back." i offered. i was sure to need some more help with mia before i go home. in a few days i have an interview and red carpet for the reader, and i might need a little assistance with that.

"that sounds like a plan. bye, you two. we'll see you soon!" george and irmelin gave us hugs and some kisses before heading out and driving home.

"bye mom, see you dad." leo then bid farewell once they were ready to go.

immediately when they left, i exhaled slowly and walked over to the couch, collapsing into it with mia on my hip. all the energy i used up to just pretend like i was the slightest bit okay was used up and wasted on leo's parents. with mia's warm cheek against my chest, i held her as tightly as i could without hurting her. it was hard to believe that everything was going to be okay after i've almost certainly hit some kind of bottom, but i had to try.