shy.

Chapter Three

“Me too. Ill call you later, ok? We’re about to pull up to the restaurant.” i say

“Ok, I love you. Have fun!” she says, and I hang up. 

When we get to the restaurant, we are greeted by a small woman with dark hair. She looks very young. Her skin is pail, almost colorless. She has full lips and very slim. 

“For how many?” she asks turning to my dad. 

“For six please.” he says politely. 

As we wait, my step sister asks me how i like it up here so far. 

“Its good. Its everything i expected.” i say and mean it. 

She laughs. 

Why does everyone laugh when I'm serious? 

The hostess calls my dads name out, and we all stand up to follow her to our assigned table. No one fits in the booth. So there is a huge scene being caused. But we eventually get seated somewhere comfortable. And everyone is happy. 

We all have a good time and head home. 

Day one is complete, and its time for bed. I try to get comfortable on the couch, but nothing seems to be working. I do my best, and go to sleep. 

Its day two and im feeling kinda irritable. But i dont show it. I get up from the couch and head to the bathroom to do my nomal routine. We are more than likely going somewhere else today. And again, i dont ever know where, so im just minding my business and going along with it. Im not sure what else happened, the memory is very clouded. But somewhere in the evening, my father, step mother and i all went to another restaurant downtown. We talked about the things i did and why i did it. My father said something about the environment i was in, and that it wasnt my fault how i acted the way i did. I beg to differ. If it wasnt my fault i wouldnt have been up here. Now i sit here everyday wishing i would have done better. I couldve went home that day, but its over now. So there isnt any reason to dwell on it. For now. 

October 14th, 2022

It's been a week here now and I'm kinda just doing my own thing. I'm supposed to be going to school soon. Whenever my mom sends down my transcripts to enroll me in the new school. I'm surprisingly not nervous. If altering my personality means being able to adapt to this new environment, so be it. 

“Youre mother just sent me all the documents for your transfer.” my father says entering the living room while reading the message on his phone. 

“You should be enrolled by next week, but were going down there today to sign you up for classes and get the school map. Stuff like that.” 

“Ok. what should i wear?” i ask getting up from the couch and walking over to my totes. 

“Anything. I dont care.” he says walking away

I decide to whip my hair in a messy bun, throw on a black hoodie, some old baggy gray jeans, and black converse. I think i look great!

“You look homeless janae.” my father says looking me up and down. “Lets go.” 

Homeless would not be the word to describe my outfit. Just…lazy. 

The car ride is quiet. 

“Wow!” i say finally. The school looks like all the ones you see in the movies. Im shocked. 

“Why is everything so high class here?” i say cringing at my dad.

“Its not high class, you're just used to crap.” he tells me, and i look away. 

Well. he isn't wrong. But the “crap” he says im used to, feels like home. And im not ashamed of it. 

We pull into the parking lot, and i get out first. The school looks awfully confusing and im not sure where the front office is. My old school was straightforward. The front office was right where you enter the school. No confusion at all, and everything was labeled. 

COUNSELING OFFICE 

Read a label on the wall. 

“Oh. we go here dad.” i say, and walk towards the office. 

I open the door, and im greeted by a short bald man wearing a blue polo and slacks. 

“Russ.” says his name tag on the desk

He walks up to my dad and i and welcomes us. 

“Welcome to Las Lomas!”

“Thank you. Where can we register a new student?” my dad asks

“Oh, i see. You're a new student yes?”  he says and hands us a clipboard

“Uh, yah. Woohoo..” I say sarcastically. 

“Don't be such a Debbie downer. This place is awesome. You'll love it here” he tells me with a big smile. 

After my dad is done filling out all the required fields on the paperwork, he hands it to me. 

“You fill out your class requests here.” he says, and hands me the pen. 

They have almost everything my old school had. Only some are modified. I checked off seven options: Foods 1, English 3, US history, digital art 2, Art 2, yearbook, and stagecraft. I filled out the rest of the boxes, and signed my name. Then we were done. We both said thank you to Russ, and headed out the door. 

“That was easy” i say, taking a deep breath.

“You know, just be yourself janae. Dont change for anyone, ok?” my dad says

“I know dad. I dont plan on really talking to people anyways.” i say and mean it

“Thats not the way to go. Dont you want to make friends?” he asks 

“I mean, sure. But its not the same.” i say getting irritated now, and my dad senses it. 

“Thats the point janae, youre not supposed to keep living in the same cycle. You have to have a change of scenery or your life is going to go down the drain. And dont say i didnt try to help you.” he says. 

Thats what i remember, of course. 

“Ok. ill try.” i say, and get in the car. 

Right now, all i want to do is cry. Dont get me wrong, i want to change. But its hard right now. Especially when you have nothing. My dad wants so much for me in such a short amount of time. Its a lot of pressure on me. 

“You know i dont expect you to be perfect Janae.” my dad finally says

“Seems like it” I mumble. 

“I dont. I just want you to be successful in life.” he says 

“Ok.” i say. And it stays quiet. 

He drops me off at the apartment, but comes up with me. 

“Im going to work now.” he tells me. 

“Ok.” i say, and start to walk inside. 

“Dont you want to come?” he asks

“Do i need to go? I was just gonna go back to sleep.” i tell him, and wait for his response. 

“Well maybe i just wanted to spend time with my daughter?” he tells me and I start to speak, but he walks away. 

I walk in the house. And head to the bathroom. I change out of my clothes, and lay back on the couch to try to nap for a while.