The Path To You

43. Nothing

That had to be enough for now. Until my word meant enough for an arrest this had to be enough.

And it was. For me it was more than enough. It was freedom, it was validation. Someone had heard my story and believed the words I had to say. For years my coach had made me feel like that would never happen. He manipulated me into believing my word meant nothing and I'd almost believed him.

Almost.

He'd torn me down enough and it was time for him to feel some of that pain. It was time for fucking revenge.

I let that determination drive me as I walked right back into my high school for the second time. This time was different, I had an article in my hand and a mission I wasn't planning on failing. Even after all these years the walk through the hallway was like second nature. I barely thought as my legs took me to my destination.

I tried to swallow all my nerves. I wouldn't let myself break yet. Once I was done then I could fall apart, I could crumble into nothing. But right now I had to be strong, I had to keep all my pieces together. These past years had led up to this moment.

It was all for this one moment.

I stepped into the familiar office and I did my best not to flinch when I caught sight of those brown eyes.

Coming to see my coach wasn't something I had planned to do but when I saw the article I couldn't help it. I wanted him to hurt and I wanted to be the one to cause it. After all these years I was done being scared. I was done letting him hold me under his thumb.

It was time to finally break free from him.

"Connor what are you doing-?"

I didn't have it in me to listen to anything he had to say. I refused to let him ruin me with anymore of his words.

"Looks like someone did believe me." I threw the paper down on his desk with a smile.

I had earned this. I had fought enough to be the one to deliver his demise on a silver fucking platter. This was the end and I hoped I never saw him ever again after this.

"See you in hell you sick fuck." I said flipping him off.

I didn't bother to stay as I turned and left him alone with my story. I hoped he read every word and it ruined him the way it ruined me.

The second I walked away it was like all the nerves rushed through me. I'd put off the breakdown so that I could get myself to walk into that office again. But now as I walked out it was all rushing back.

My stomach turned and I had to increase my pace throwing myself into the nearest bathroom. I only just made it to the toilet before I emptied the little contents I had in my stomach. I stayed there hunched over the toilet of my old high school for longer than I'd like to admit. I heaved a few more times even though I had nothing more to throw up. I'd been too nervous last night to eat more than a few bites of the dinner my mom made. 

And it was here on the floor of a public bathroom that I let myself spin out. I let my mind take me to the last time I was here. The only memory I hadn't let myself remember.

Two weeks. Two weeks and I was free. I was graduating and id be able to finally get free of this place. I wouldn't have to see him again.

It was all I could think about. Freedom, it was so close I could almost taste it.

Everything would be better once I got away from here.

"Connor," a hand enclosed around my arm and my whole body tensed at the feeling.

I knew who it was, my stomach turned with fear. I never knew what would come next. Every time he touched me, I never knew what he would do, I never knew what mood he was in.

"Hey Coach." I greeted doing my best to make everything seem normal.

I'd make it worse if I made a scene in public. I had two weeks, I couldn't fuck it up now that freedom was so close.

"You have a minute before you leave?" He asked and I wanted to scream no but instead I just nodded.

I said nothing as he led me back to his office. This was it, there wasn't stopping. Maybe this idea of freedom was just a lie.

"You've been doing so good this year and as you know I help run a football camp over the summer. I know you are always looking for some extra cash and I need someone to help out with the kids. I gave them your name and all you have to do is say yes." He told me.

It was all crashing around me. I was supposed to be free. The summer was supposed to mean it was all over.

"No." I shook my head not wanting this to be real.

I knew what was coming before he even raised a hand. I knew what my no's gave me. The sting against my cheek was just a reminder that my words meant nothing to him.

"I thought I taught you better than to say no to me." He snapped.

I had nothing else to lose. The only thing I had left was my possible escape and now I didn't even have that. I'd lost everything, I'd lost everyone.

I had nothing left to be scared of losing.

"I'm done, I'm done. I'm leaving at the end of the year and if you try to stop me I'll tell the cops everything you've done." I threatened.

Instead of the fear I hoped to see on his face he smiled menacingly at me. My stomach dropped, this wasn't going to end well. I'd known better than to try to stand against him, it'd never gotten me anywhere good before.

"Go ahead and try, I dare you." He taunted.

There wasn't anything left in to me to actually feel like I could go against him so I just stood there. He'd won and he barely had to try. He'd spent the last years breaking me down and now I was nothing but what he made me. He'd destroyed me and then crafted me back into his image.

I didn't even know who I was before him. I couldn't remember old Connor anymore.

"Fucking pathetic." He shook his head at me, disgust filled his eyes. "You're useless Connor. No one cares about you anymore. The only person you have left is me and now even I don't want you anymore. How does it feel to finally be alone? To be nothing?"

I didn't want him to see that he got to me but I shrunk into myself the tears welling up in my eyes.

I was alone. I was nothing. He'd stripped me of everything and now even he was throwing me aside like it was nothing. I'd destroyed all my relationships even whatever the fuck this was.

I had nothing left.

I was nothing.

It was too similar. The way I was fleeing out of my high school shaking with tears on my face. I was back in senior year as my life was spiraling out of control.

This time I'd stood up to him and succeeded. I hadn't let him win but I still felt just as broken. I felt like I was crumbling into nothing.

Back then I had fled to nothing. I had nowhere to go but now it was different. I had somewhere to go.

I had someone who loved me waiting for me at home.

So I ran and this time I was running towards something instead of away from it.