In the two-part poem, Losing Faith and Finding Conviction, the author uses linguistic choices to stress the influence of Christianity and Atheism on the narrator's life and evaluates the consequences of being force-fed with ideologies. The reader understands that the narrator would rather search for her own religious identity than cave to the pressure from her influences, especially without a holistic understanding of either religion.
The author's organization in Losing Faith alternates between two antagonists, similar to a "shoulder angel and devil" or "moral dilemma". The narrator refers to Christianity as "she" and Atheism as "he", through underlying personal experiences. In total, Losing Faith consists of six three-line stanzas, the first four alternating between Christianity and Atheism. The three line stanzas first begin with an action performed on the narrator, such as "fill[ing]" her "ears with spoken tongues" or "equate[ing]" her "with their higher power". The second line shows someone vaguely teaching the narrator an aspect of religion. The last lines show the narrator's antagonists to, for example "leave" her "searching for the words to say" or "refuse to answer" her "questions". Describing each religion with three short lines and tersely alternating to the next establishes the antagonists' unconvincing arguments and the discrepancies in the narrator's knowledge of either religion. Thus, the reader understands that the narrator cannot conform to either religion without a holistic grasp.
Furthermore, the author organizes her ideas into two parts, titling them Losing Faith and Finding Conviction. The language significantly differs between the two parts, the stanzas in Losing Faith all begin with command verbs such as "cover" or "equate", ultimately terse and impersonal. Whereas Finding Conviction uses emotional language, such as "I'm drowning". Finding Conviction's structure is also much less restricting and freer versed. By dividing the poem and showing a change in tone, the author shows that the impersonal, unconvincing actions exemplified in Losing Faith prompts the narrator to reach her individual religious beliefs through a painful self-discovery.
The author's usage of metaphorical language accentuates the urge the narrator feels to conform in order to alleviate the antagonists' pressure, but also the even greater costs of doing so. In Finding Conviction, the narrator first describes the pressure from Christianity and Atheism through an extended metaphor of "drowning" with only "toxic existential" words as air. The air "wears out" her "lungs" or degrades her mentality and principles, thus the narrator must instead search for "sufferable air", or attitudes she can identify with. Ultimately, conforming or metaphorically, "breathing" would create a more devastating, long-term impact on the narrator's mentality. Comparing faith with air and the narrator's mentality with lungs accentuates the idea that the narrator struggles not to give in to instinctive urges to "breathe" as one might do while drowning, but would rather suffer and continue to search for values that support her mindset.
The author's imagery and detail throughout the poem exemplify the assertion of the religious antagonists and in the second part of the poem, the narrator's struggle escaping their pressure in order to find her own faith. Through auditory imagery, the author describes the Christian to "fill" the narrator's "ears" and the Atheist to "laugh" at her while trying to convert her. Often times, filling someone's ears appears forceful and haunting, and laughing connotes taunting. The narrator also describes the Christian antagonist forcing her to pray, or "knock[ing]" her "in the knees", which connotes to violence. Relating prayer with force negates the sacrament of the ritual, thus showing how unnatural prayer feels to the narrator. Ultimately, neither antagonist successfully nurtured the narrator towards a religion through compelling arguments and gentle teachings, thus emphasizing the narrator's unwillingness to conform.
Moreover, the author uses visual and tactile imagery in reference to prayer, when the Christian antagonist "cover[s]" the narrator's "eyes with dense velvet". Covering one's eyes evokes hazard and power, thus the narrator feels vulnerable. Describing velvet as the blindfold appeals to the lush, rich feel of the cloth, evoking a false sense of security and pleasure. This momentarily alleviates the peril of losing eyesight, which ultimately serves as a microcosm for the extended drowning metaphor, representing the surface, unsustainable benefits of conforming to a religion to temporarily mitigate the suffering.
The author often alludes to religion to communicate the heavy religious undertones of the poem but also further stresses how little the narrator truly understands about both religions. Losing Faith alludes to "spoken tongues" and "crucifixion". The allusion, "spoken tongues" refers to an aspect of Christianity where one communicates in an undecipherable language for a deity. In this context, the author uses "spoken tongues" when referring to Christian aspects, juxtaposed with unanswered "questions" in the next line which heightens the author's deficient knowledge. More so, "crucifixion climax" in this poem refers to Jesus Christ's sacrifice, arguably one of the most well known aspects of Christianity, yet only a minimal part of a holistic understanding. Thus, the reader feels that the antagonist enforces Christianity on the narrator without first building a solid foundation.
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Subsistence
PoetryA five poem collection, detailing religion, home, mentality, heroes, and abuse. Each poem follows with an analysis and justification. "The toxic existential words of divination or sacrilege wear out my lungs, so instead I search for sufferable air...
