Lost in the Nightmares of Hope- a Newtmas Fanfic

In the Last Moments of Fading

The usual rumble of the Doors opening woke Newt from his fitful sleep. He rubbed at his eyes, red from crying, and he shivered. It wasn't ever very cold in the Glade, so Newt wondered why he was so cold. Looking down at his chest, he saw that he was shirtless and covered in hickeys.

 The memories came crashing down on Newt, drowning him in their suffocating horrors. Gally...Gally had tried to rape him, or least have come sexual contact with him. Newt felt so dirty from Gally's touch; it had felt so wrong. He broke down again without warning, sobbing, reliving the scene, feeling Gally's touch. How would he ever be able to forget that feeling?

Maybe if you remembered Tommy's...

Newt shut out that little voice in his head, ignoring for a moment what he had previously confessed to himself, but then nearly screamed with realization.

Tommy. Shuck, how had Newt forgotten about Tommy? He had spent the night in the Maze. He was probably dead. He was never coming back. He would never know how Newt felt. He would never tell him if he felt the same. He would never again place his warm hand on Newt's. He would never again say Newt's name. His eyes would never sparkle like they had before.

There's a chance he survived.

This time Newt listened, at least briefly to his sub consciousness. Tommy had been able to make it to Newt in the Maze and know his way back, so maybe, just maybe, he had a chance.

Newt' heart lifted at this, but as the Doors slid into their places, he grasped how unlikely it was that his, no, just Tommy had survived. He knew in his gut that he should at least go check, but he couldn't bring himself to face the world, and he certainly wouldn't be able to face a dead Tommy.

Newt fell back onto the ground, lying with his bare back against the damp undergrowth, the sun reflecting off the dew droplets that had settled on his skin. His arms were spread out, preparing to make a snow angel of dreams. And his eyes, they were a deep, chocolate brown, the pupils miniscule in the intense sunlight, with tears threatening to spill at any given moment.

The boy thought in silence for several minutes, the tears pooled up across his eyes, making the sun look like a blurry splotch in the sky. When he had made his decision, he stood slowly and walked with purpose over to the base of a large tree. Stooping down, Newt reached out his arm into a small cavity under the tree where an animal had once lived. Carefully, he searched blindly for the object before finally grasping it in his fist and drawing out his arm.

Again, he stood, and then he walked to a small patch of sunlight shining through the trees. Newt cautiously raised the small object, and the blade glinted in the sun, flecks of dried blood decorating the sides. He brought it to his arm and prepared to mark a new tally on his countless list of bad days, but stopped before the tip could wedge itself in.

Cutting wouldn't be enough this time. So much had been taken from him in so little time. Newt had nothing left. And so he figured, if you have nothing to live for, why not just die?

Newt raised the knife again, positioning it higher this time, both hands holding the blade as he readied himself to pull it towards his body, thrusting it through the skin, and arteries, and veins, and finally bursting his heart, allowing him to finally slip away. He began to apply pressure to the knife, and it pierced his skin, sending a few drops of blood trailing down his marked chest. A tear escaped his left eye as he squeezed them shut and tensed his muscles, preparing for the big moment.

"NEWT, STOP!"

Newt's eyes flew open, and searched for the source of the voice. He quickly found it standing in front of an overgrown shrub horrified and breathless, with deep cuts and purple bruises everywhere.

Tommy.

I'm so, so, so, so sorry! I nearly cried writing this, but it was the only thing that came to mind during my stupid writer's block, so I'm really sorry for the crappy chapter. I wrote probably five different beginnings to this chapter before I really got it going, but oh well. I'll maybe update tomorrow, but I make no guarantees. I love you all!

Have a great night, evening, afternoon, noon, morning, day, etc.

-Anna