For my sister | Negan |

68 - Leaving

Negan helped me see that. For all his faults, at least he did try to look after me. He'd tell me to take a break and learn to relax. To let someone else take care of me for a chance.

Only he proved that he couldn't do that. But it doesn't matter. I don't need anybody to take care of me. I have Ella and she has me. And maybe... maybe that should be it for a while. Leave the many responsibilities of being a doctor behind for a while. They have Siddiq now. They'd manage without me.

We could go anywhere. The world is big and there's nobody to tell you you're not supposed to be somewhere. I've always wanted to see Yellowstone. Or the Grand Canyon. I never had the time before, or I thought it was too far away. But we have nothing but time now. We could take a car and just see the whole country.

Only Ella's right. It is dangerous out there. Neither of us know how to fight if we would run into walkers or people with bad intentions. But Cal and B do. They could teach us. Of course we'd need supplies too. Maybe we could visit communities we meet on the road. Offer medical services in return for supplies. I mean, who knows who else is out there, right? There have to be more places like this.

'Chris?' Ella asks loudly, waving her hand at me. She looks impatient, like she's called out to me before. She probably has.

'Where'd you go? I asked how many potatoes do you think I should make for the four of us.'

'Oh. Right', I say, trying to focus on reality again. 'I don't know, 8?'

Ella looks at me a little quizzically. I think I still don't exactly look sharp yet.

'What are you thinking about?'

'I was thinking about what you said', I say slowly, surprising myself by even considering it.

'What? You mean about coming with Cal and B?'

'Yeah', I say. 'I mean... It would be an adventure, wouldn't it?'

---

We're leaving tomorrow. Most of the people that got injured in the conflict have healed enough to not need my help anymore. Siddiq can handle what's left.

We've talked our plans over with Rick and Michonne. They urged us to reconsider. Warned us that it's too dangerous out there. Of course, we understand the dangers. But Cal has been teaching us how to shoot and B showed me some self-defense moves. They'll be able to defend us until we can do it ourselves and if necessary, I can always offer medical care. I think we'll make a pretty good team out there.

But more importantly, though it may be dangerous, we're done simply surviving. We have been hiding behind the walls of Alexandria for far too long. It didn't hit me until the Sanctuary that Ella had never even been inside a bar. All I'd been doing was taking care of Ella and my patients and all Ella had been doing was basic tasks and hanging out within the same places for years.

We want to live. Experience things. Make new memories. Even if it means that life might be shorter, at least it will be worth more.

There's also the factor that even with the medication that Negan found, we will run out at some point. When we get there, travel will certainly be impossible. It will be hard enough for Ella to just live. I want to show her the world before we get there. See it with her.

So our minds have been made. Rick and Michonne agreed to let us leave with supplies that will last us a couple of weeks. And they've made sure to know that we're always welcome back.

'I hope this isn't about the... rumours', Michonne asked me a little uncomfortably.

'It's not', I said. 'I mean, it is, in a way, but it's more than that.