In The Shadow of Our Choices

Chapter 57 - Missing and Maudlin

"But I didn't," she said into Elizabeth's hair. "I'm alive, and I'm here, and I am okay."

Elizabeth tried to hide the tears that were streaming down her face, a mixture of still-lingering grief and utter relief combined with the horrors of recollecting that night into a potent combination. But Mary only seemed concerned for Elizabeth, and perhaps mildly irked that she couldn't remember. Elizabeth envied her steadiness.

They talked into the evening, moving away from the events of that night, speaking of Elizabeth's life in the magical world, and of Mary and Leander and her summer. When the time neared that Mary needed to be back at the orphanage, lest she be missed by the attendants before bed, Elizabeth apparated her back to London. She watched as Mary waved goodbye before disappearing inside, her nerves jangling at the idea of leaving her behind once more, but there wasn't much to be done about it.

Once back in Feldcroft, Elizabeth found Sebastian waiting for her out front of the house.

"Finally seen fit to come back?" He asked, irritation coloring his voice.

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed at Sebastian's tone, her anger bubbling up to the surface.

"Don't you dare," she snapped. "You let me believe that Mary was dead. How could you do that? How could you let me suffer like that?"

"I did what I thought was best," he said, crossing his arms and glaring. "I just wanted to protect you. Don't you remember how angry you got anytime we mentioned her?"

Elizabeth met his glare, but dug back in her memory. Her head still ached dully, and the memories of the days after that night were something of a blur. When she didn't respond, Sebastian seemed to soften, reaching out and gently pulling her into his arms.

"I was scared, Lizzie," he murmured, "Scared of losing you... Scared of your power... You should see yourself when you're angry." She looked up to find a small, soft smile on his lips. "You are beautiful, and rather terrifying. Dangerous, but delightful."

Elizabeth shook her head, her headache making it feel like her head was spinning instead. Usually his charming words made her heart flutter, but she pushed down those feelings.

"Still, you should have tried," she said, "Ominis tried, even when I got angry with him. And, he even said... he said that you told them I saved you?"

She looked up and met his eyes as she said this. There were still so many things she couldn't seem to recall from that night. Her memories seemed to flicker between herself in the doorway of the cell, and Sebastian in the doorway, and she had no idea which was the truth. Every time she tried to think it over, it only made the headaches worse. At her words, Sebastian's grip tightened where his hands rested on her arms.

"And you believe Ominis over me?" Sebastian said, his voice a confusing mix of hardness and concern. "Which one of us was actually there for you, Lizzie? Me. I was. I saved you - don't let him sway your thoughts."

She wanted to believe him, to trust that he had been her savior in that dark moment. But a part of her, deep within, resisted the notion. She couldn't ignore the nagging doubts that lingered in her mind, even as the pain from her headache spiked. She tried to bring her hand up to her temple, but Sebastian's grip didn't let her.

"I don't know," she said, her voice breaking a little with the pain and confusion. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Then believe me," Sebastian said, catching her eyes with his, staring at her earnestly. "I love you, Lizzie. I'd never do anything to hurt you, you know that."