Shadow

😟What's going on!😔

'New?'

'Mn..'

'Newiee?'

'Mn.. It's cold.'

Why am I feeling so cold? I tried to remember what happened. Wasn't I drinking at a bar? I drank too much for sure…. I slowly opened my eyes. My eyes felt heavy. 

'My head hurts.' I complained in a hoarse voice when I felt someone was patting my head gently. 

'Are you ok love?' Finally I saw the person who was sitting beside me.

'Earth?' 

'Yes, it's me.' He said with a faint smile.

'Didn't I tell you that you can't have more than one glass of drink? Why don't you listen to me huh? Do you want me to worry about you all the time?' Earth was scolding me with a gentle voice.

Only he can make me both angry and guilty at the same time.

I slowly sat up and looked around. I was in an unfamiliar room. A hotel room I guess.

Then my eyes fell on the three people standing near the window.

Off and Leo was standing together and watching us carefully. Tay was standing a bit far away looking outside. I couldn't see his face.

'I am a bit cold.' I said in a low voice.

'Let me see.' Earth touched my forehead.

'You have a low fever.' He sighed.

'Where am I?' I was still processing my surroundings.

'Did you forget? You had a meeting with your colleagues and you had dinner with them. You drank a bit too much and fell asleep so they have brought you to their hotel room.' Earth explained with dismay.

'Oh.' I couldn't remember a thing.

'I was so worried when you didn't answer your phone.. So I called Leo and then after some enquiries he let me know about the situation.'

'I am so sorry Dr. Earth. I should have informed you earlier but I don't have your number and New was asleep.' Off quickly came forward.

'Don't mention it. Thanks to you guys he is all right. Sorry for your troubles.' Earth was very polite.

'I am sorry too. I didn't know when New informed Cinna about it.' Leo added.

But why can't I remember anything…. 

'Where is Troy?' I asked after a moment.

'He is at his friend's house. Having a sleepover. I told you two days ago. Did you forget that too?' He looked at me with concern.

'Oh!' I repeated. I only remembered that I was drinking. Was I drinking with Off and Tay? Hmmm….. Tay was with me….. I guess.

'What time is it?' I asked because the room was brightly lit.

'Past midnight. I came as soon as I got to know about your situation.' Earth handed me a glass of water.

I took the glass but then thought about a similar situation. Someone gave me a glass of water earlier. But I don't know who.

'Careful!' Earth quickly grabbed the glass because I absentmindedly tilted it.

'Sorry..' I don't know why I am so uncomfortable.

'It's ok. Drink slowly.' He held the glass to my mouth. 

After a few gulps I said, 'No more.'

'Okay. Then how are you feeling now?' Earth put that glass down.

'All right.' I ignored the throbbing pain in my head.

'So do you want to go home?' He smiled.

Home? A memory started to form inside my head.

'No.' This time Tay interfered. His voice was laced with anger.

'No need! What he wanted to say is there is no need to leave so hurriedly.' Off suddenly exclaimed and shoot Tay a warning glare. No one noticed their interaction besides me.

'Please let him rest here for the night. You guys can stay here in Tay's room.' Off continued without a break.

This is Tay's room? I looked at him but he was looking at Earth strangely. Then suddenly he said,

'He has a fever. He isn't sober yet and has a headache. Why are you suggesting he should leave?' 

'I know but…' Earth was startled by his sudden attack.

How do you know I have a headache!

'Let him rest here. I'll book another room for you.'  He was about to leave when Earth laughed.

'What are you saying Tay?' Off was embarrassed.

'Don't mind him guys, he was joking. Why do you need a separate room?' He laughed awkwardly.

'Stop clowning around and come with me. Let them get some rest. Good night guys. See you tomorrow.' Off almost dragged Tay out of the room. Before leaving he gave me a glance. It was full of emotions.

What's going on?

......................

'Not sleepy?' 

I was looking at the ceiling. Earth was lying next to me. 

'Hm.' I am not sleepy at all feeling like something was wrong.

'Is something bothering you?' 

'No.' Actually I don't know.

'I thought we were good.' Earth sighed.

'Hm?' 

'Are you still angry with me? That's why you drank so much?' 

Angry with you? 

But I wasn't angry…. I was sad.

Oh! I was sad…..

Because…

I heard….

Then all the lost memories flooded my mind. 

The hospital…… dr. Chan….my coma…… euthanasia…… the bar…… the kiss…..

The kiss….. With……Tay.

With that image popping up in my head my whole body became stiff. What's wrong with me! I kissed Tay! The memory rushed into my mind like a freight train and completely knocked me out.

Now I'm scared.

Cold sweat started to wet my clothes completely. I was still wearing my dress shirt and now it's drenched in sweat. I felt suffocated.

'Newiee?' Earth called very softly.

I didn't dare to answer. Let him think that I am asleep. I couldn't face him right now!

Earth….. My husband….. The man I love so much……. How could I do this to him!....

Silent tears started to flow. I was wrong. I shouldn't suspect Earth. Maybe I heard it all wrong.

I don't fucking care if he wanted to pull the plug before or not! I don't care if he gave up on me! I don't know anything….and I don't want to know! 

After a long time, I slowly sat up. Earth was asleep. I stared at his face in the dark for sometime. The more I looked the more guilty I felt. I betrayed this loving caring man. I should just go and die.