James Marriott Becomes Responsible for Thirty-Five Million Deaths

The Sad Shredding

James Marriott is eating some Grapes as he finishes up editing his newest video:

"Reacting to the FUNNIEST Felonies w/ Memeulous" - Possibly his magnum opus.

Leaning back in his chair, he sighs with relief. That's another 500 years of rent covered! He calls George, his friend, on the computer application commonly known as Discord.

"Hello George, it is I, James Marriott."

"Yep, hello." Memeulous replies, taking off his bandana and cap on webcam.

"Oh, crikey!" James Marigold screeches in horror as he witnesses George's face.

Full of wrinkles, streaming purple eyes, grey hair, big nose, weak jawline, the exact opposite traits of an honourable gentleman. Truly disgusting. No wonder he won't face reveal.

"You need to get surgery. A lot of surgery. You disgust me, you piece of filth." James Marriott states, recovering from his near-heart attack.

"I've already had 65 surgeries mate..." Gorge replies in shame.

"Turn off your webcam, you rat. Anyways, the video's done."

"Yeah, about that, actually, maybe murder isn't actually that funny after all James."

"Te matare en tres dias."

"What?"

"I am trilingual George. Didn't you know? Anyways, I am not paying you this week."

"Man, what is wrong with you..."

"I am not nearly as wrong as your face."

"Actually get help James..."

"On a merely evolutionary level Garge, you must understand this."

George leaves the call. So sad.

To cope, James Marriott swigs two pints of Waitrose Extra Virgin Olive Oil. He sadly gazes into the crevices of his keyboard. He needs... more.

Anywho, it is time to stream to his audience of thirty-five million children. He switches on his Razer Gaming Monitor, Mouse, Mousepad, Stream Deck, Analyser, Six Consoles, Ten Computers, Pedals, Drums, Dog Cam, Cat Cam, Gaming Guitar, Satellite, Speakers and the good looks, of course.

"Welcome back to the stream everybody! Today we're going to be calling up my ex-wife! Here it is!!" he proudly proclaims, violently shaking his phone on camera.

"Sorry about this everyone..." - James lowers his head in shame as he continues to uncontrollably shake his phone (he is experiencing caffeine withdrawal).

He musters up the strength to order 70 more Prime Energy drinks and then finally calls up his ex-lover.

BEEP!

"HELLO JANINE!!! LOVE OF MY LIFE!"

"J-James? You have some nerve calling me up after what you did to me." Janine spouts with fury.

James puts on a 'pog' face to his viewers and continues: "Last time I spoke to YOU, you left me Sleeping on a Train Janine!!"

"You kept buying cigarettes for all of your freaky friends, you drained my bank account DRY for your Crunchyroll subscriptions, and you ALMOST KILLED ME with that SONG THING you made!!!" She screams with hatred.

James replies (still pogging): "Ah, yes, and what song may that be Janine? When is it coming out and where can my viewers get it??"

"Is- is this live James?"

"Technically we're not divorced if I shredded the papers!!"

He hangs up swiftly.

Glancing over to chat (on his 14th monitor), he can see the begging and whining to hear this 'new song'.

It is time to give the people what they want.