A New Step Towards Life

4. Dark Secrets

He sat on his chair, just thinking about the conversation he had with Akshara. His heart bled thinking about his own childhood and how he lost most of it due to abusive father. He never wanted to be the same for his child. Rather he had taken a pledge in his childhood to be the exact opposite of his father and give unconditional love to his children. But probably he was just like his father, or even worse for he left his wife in the worst condition and she never considered him worthy of being a father to their child.

"Does Akshara think of Abhir to be a mistake? He was supposed to be our love child and look what I made his childhood like! It's all my fault. I should have known its in my genes. I- I am the worst living being ever. And again it was my descision to come here because I wanted my family together. But if Akshara would want freedom this time, I'd let her go willingly." He recalled how she called his love selfish, the one which pulled her back and never made her feel complete. He recalled how she termed their love story as umar qaid. He recalled how she told him he can never be a good human being, forget being a good father. His self esteem was hitting the rock bottom. He kept talking to himself, hating himself for the past and then making promises to be a better person in future. 

"I never asked Akshara of what she thinks of me now. Maybe she's just living with me for Abhir and so that he gets a complete family. I- I don't want to proven the monster that she thinks of me to be. I want to be a better person, a better father and a better husb- lover too!"

Trigger warning: SELF HARM (skip next two paras and then continue reading)

He kept drowning in pain and sorrow. Suddenly, his hate for himself was giving rise to irrational anger and he wanted to destroy the whole cabin then and there. But again, he recalled how his anger and impulsiveness was the reason he lost everything. So he thought of the second best option. Instead of hurting others, he'd hurt himself! He went to the nearest cupboard door and banged his head until it started paining. Then, he slapped himself for almost 20 times until he felt his cheeks have turned completely red. Lastly, he punched a nearby mirror and his wrist started bleeding. 

Better, he felt much better now. He punished himself exactly how he wanted to and maybe now, he's ready to face Abhimanyu and Akshara again.

_______________________________

On the other hand Akshara was sitting with the nurses and the other hospital staff along with Dr. Rohan in her cabin. Just then, senior psychologist Mr. Sinha arrived.

"Dr. Rohan? Where's Dr. Abhimanyu?"
"He's in his cabin Dr. Sinha"
"Since when?"
"2 hours I guess!"
"Oh god its so long? I didn't even realise how quickly the time passed!" Akshara laughed.

"Rohan I need to talk to you about something." Dr. Sinha looked dead serious.
"Sir, is everything alright?"
Akshara too grew worried.

"Rohan come to my cabin." Dr. Sinha ordered and left. Akshara saw Abhir was playing with some staff members and one of them brought their son who was almost his age. So, she went behind Rohan.

Akshara met Rohan in mid corridor.
"Who is he? Why everyone grew so tensed all of a sudden?"
"He's Abhimanyu sir's psychologist."
"What? Is he- is he taking those anxiety and sleeping pills again?"
"A much heavier dose. He was mentally disturbed after Neil sir's death. And then he lost you too. The trauma of death and then abandonment issues. All his fears came true and he slipped into depression. Since it was quite obvious that what's happening with him, I asked him to consult Dr. Sinha and he was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, insomnia and post traumatic stress disorder."
"What-" Akshara just broke then and there. She should've been there for her Abhi in this phase. Why...why did she leave him? If he was an idiot to ask her for the divorce, she was a bigger idiot for agreeing to it. Her Abhi was suffering from such severe mental health issues and she knew she's partially responsible for it. She wasn't there to provide the emotional support he needed.
"His family knows that he's suffering from-"
"No, Abhimanyu Sir knew his family is already in pain and grieving because of the loss so he strictly asked no one to know about it." Rohan cut Akshara in between.

Along with Dr. Rohan, a broken Akshara entered Dr. Sinha's cabin. Her legs were shaking but she tried to maintain her composure.
"Who is she?" Dr. Sinha asked.
"Abhimanyu Sir's ex wife. They are trying to amending their relationship again and-"
"So you are Akshara?" 
"Y- yes sir!" She barely managed to speak.

Dr. Sinha immediately understood her condition and passed a glass of water. Akshara drank it and then seated herself infront of him.

"Ms Akshara, I almost know everything about your and Abhimanyu's past. Since I was Abhimanyu's therapist I was supposed to know everything about him. I know his problems, his medications but nothing about you currently. So, you think you're ready to hear about him?"
"Sir, please tell me everything." She asked, determined.
"Ms Akshara, Abhimanyu has not been taking therapy sessions since last 2-3 months. Apart from that, his medicines were also finished 2 months ago but he didn't come for a checkup and renewal. I thought he's getting better. I met him once or twice and he actually did seem better, and I'm considering that seeing you again in his life reduced some of the mental pressure. But still, I don't think he has completely healed. I don't know what's happening with him right now or in those past 3 months. Sometimes cases like Abhimanyu look normal when they're actually not. They start feeling extreme emotions of happiness and sadness in small instant of time and people fail to understand what they're actually going through. But also, I just know that the way he talked about you, your love and everything you guys shared, you both being a team can overcome darkest caves of miseries very very easily!"

"I got that sir. I'll take care of everything." She replied firmly, wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks.
"And also, if you ever need my help for yourself or Abhimanyu, do not shy away from calling or meeting me!"
"Sure Sir!"

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Author's Note: Both their traumas will be addressed and healed by each other.  The story's pace might be slow and updates irregular but I'll try my level best! Happy reading :)