Vbride (Laura Bodewig X Reader)

Chapter 12 - Isolation

Warning - The events of this chapter may be troubling to some.

Please for those not in a good mindset or do not do well with trauma, mental health breakdowns, etc. I strongly recommend to skip this chapter as chapter 13 will have a briefing to cover chapter 12.

Thank you for understanding.

-Relly

~~~~~

Dinner time came and went. It did get quiet. Not having the power of the natural sun to see in from windows was going to be a challenge. The whole situation was going to be crazy. It was one of the very reasons why (FN) was sent into a bunker underneath the school. No matter a ton of classwork and training, the loneliness would soon kick in. Just a matter of when. His father and the Russian military taught him how to cope with it. But with a hormone change starting, it became very hard to say. First day went by fine, but the rest, it was going to be a mental exhaustion and braking him down in every cell of his body.

Day 3 -

I realized if I wanted to pass the time I would get a lot of scrap lined paper so I can do rough drafts and do the final piece in a diary. The reason being is this will kill hours of time. Living in a box where I haven't seen the sun in a few days you do go nuts. I'm told the panel will open, but I have serious doubts. Although, at the same time there are a lot of promises Headmaster has said and, she didn't send me back to Russia and my protection is in here. She's held up. Can't deny it. She is a hardass, but she has a heart.

The one thing I am starting to realize is when the sun and fresh air stop flowing to and from, it starts to get to you. Almost as your body is being under-nourished and your whole body chemistry is out of the way. I have a way to go too. Day 2 when by okay. Today and for the rest of this tenure that is. I'm nervous how this is going.

The number one thing to bring up that I am noticing is my hormone swap. Sometimes want to break down in a fetal position and other times punch a wall. It's happened for about a day now. I see now why I walked away from the student body. I might get angry, throw things, or perhaps get angry and aggressive or perhaps from what I have been told timid like Laura. 

Man, I miss her. Wish we could be making dishes together and working on strength. Going over documentaries on tanks and such. The usual. I don't want this to be a love note diary but heck it is passing the time. An hour and an afternoon can feel like the same amount of time depending on how you're doing and feeling. Thankfully though, the one thing that really makes me feel human is the fact that there is a clock. 

Funny. Go into any household. Clock on the wall. The microwave. The stove. All have or rather should have a time. Preferably the same time. I notice that here, the clock is the only thing that makes myself a human and not so much a prisoner. More like a professional gambler. Playing for my living and unable to see the sunlight and time. Side note, should ask for some cards. I need to learn how to shuffle properly and a few rounds of solitaire can't hurt.

Day 4 -

Half a week into this as thankfully books have kept me very occupied. Chapters per hour are going to an upper rate. But I see myself going to get the rage and frustration soon. I miss people. I miss the fresh air. I want to eat a steak and prepare for the fight. And I can't. Can't even watch what's going out there.

To describe what I feel. Well, it's sad and annoying. At least in Day 4 of being here in this place. Granted I'm not contained in a ten by ten concrete box with a cage door, horrible bed, and everyone watches me when I use the bathroom, but these unnormal circumstances change someone. For better and worse. 

Positive things. The food has always been good since I came to Japan. Point blank period. Even just plain white rice is better than some things I have had in Russia. That is most helpful. Because as far as my strength and moral, that is something I look forward to. Then 'my studies are top notch, have written down notes, and have seen books so I can learn just as much as those programming and maintaining the units in the hangar.  There are plus sides. But I am making the best of this. 

~~~~~

Day 8 - 

I'm losing it. The hair on my body is slowly growing back. I feel a little five o'clock shadow on my face. Voice getting back to normal. I feel like I want to be around a woman and find myself a girlfriend more than when I was in Russia. I keep asking myself. 

Who am I?

What am I?

Am I this chemical disaster hidden from society?

I am nervous about what the future has been holding out on me for. Am I a wanted man? Am I a country wide wanted man for treason and can never come back home? I don't know where to begin. I thought about my mother and don't even know if she is around. Or even alive. My father would shoot me dead himself because I'm a disappointment. There's probably a war outside of this bunker I am in and don't even know what is going  on. For all I know there are I.S. units unleashing nukes. Are they are re-building the volcano.

I can't. No more-

~~~~~

Day 10-

I broke yesterday. Right before she came in. I felt myself punching the bag and then fell to my knees and felt tears. I thought my eye sockets dried out years ago. Tears meant a hand to the face and behind the head. Being called a pussy and worthless. I felt fragile and I could feel as though a shadow of a man was looking over me as he kicked my ass. Almost sensing whipping of a belt and all of these slurs. 

Then Headmaster and Tatenashi came in. I was startled and turned around. I was ashamed. Flat out embarrassed. But they expected much worse. As I looked over the sunlight from the window that slipped down all of my thoughts about war weren't true. The campus was still beautiful. Clear skies. The sun still out. Buildings all intact. The nightmare he feared wasn't real. It was him being detained for too long.

I'm told this is my last day to be here. With a surprise. But exactly what would that surprise be? That, I am uncertain. Am I lucky to be out this early? Or was it because they thought leaving me along a little longer might be potentially suicidal? Although, it has crossed my mind more than I will admit to anyone. I always said if I was caught and going to be sent back I would write and letter and take care of it. Maybe not even the letter. 

Jesus. Just look at me. A disappointing, disgraceful, and pathetic man in all aspects. No way I could come home. I might turn into another experiment. Probably a new substance for the gas chamber. Unsure. Although I can say forever that my normal life was over when I was a child leaving my mother. Now my life as a Russian citizen is also over. What am I? Who am I? Am I just a weapon and trade chip? Or something else?

~~~~~

Painful review coming. I apologize.

-Relly