Vacivitas

Chapter Nine

How had he handled his previous food sources? Had he treated them the way he treated her last night, not allowing them to touch themselves? Or did he sleep with the other girls while drinking their blood until they died?

She doesn't like to imagine that. The sounds the girls might make. The facial expressions Malfoy might have. Their bodies.

Especially when that girl could be her.

Heat from her embarrassment rushes through her body. That's definitely not what she wants—that's not on the table. But last night, she thinks she would have been fine if she touched herself while he fed. She remembers how badly it hurt and she doesn't want to feel that pain again, that swelling with nowhere to go. It was horrible.

Would she be okay if he was the one to do it?

What would that feel like? Malfoy's fingers are so long, elegant, and slender. She'd felt them around her throat, strangling the life out of her. She doesn't know what it would feel like to have them sliding inside of her.

She can feel her body blushing again.

Time to get clinical. She needs to do research. Research on her own body, on its needs. Research that can't be found in books. How can she agree or consent to something when she has no idea how it feels? What it entails? And it's a new day.

He didn't say she couldn't touch herself today.

She looks at the clock. There's still a few hours before he returns home for supper. He might not even want to eat food—he might want to skip right to the blood drinking. She needs to figure out what she wants to do by then.

Hermione leaves the books on the table, knowing they'll find their way back onto the shelves. Her skin feels like it's humming as she heads back to her room. Knowing what she's going there to do...It's embarrassing, but its also exciting. Illicit. She feels a strange giddiness inside and a bounce to her step the closer she gets to her bedroom.

Once she closes her door, she turns to inspect her room. Where should she do this? What would feel most comfortable? The bed's a no-brainer, but what if it would be more effective elsewhere? The floor? A chair? The bath? Hell, even the window seat is an option.

Who is she kidding? She's not in any place where she could do it anywhere but a bed. Not right now, anyway. She's not very experienced, and she's only touched herself a few times before. She can't even remember what it felt like, it was that long ago. The bed is a safe start.

Hermione approaches her bed and looks down at her dress. Should she keep it on? Or should she take it off? She doesn't have any intention of going nude when Malfoy feeds from her, so perhaps she should keep her dress on for this. She climbs into the bed and lays down on her back.

Wait, maybe she should try a different position?

She tries laying on her side and imagining it. It's awkward. She rolls onto her stomach, but that's a little too much. Her face would be stuck in the pillow and it would be hard to breathe. On her hands and knees? She raises herself up onto her hands and knees, her brow furrowed as she mulls it over. No, this isn't right either. She tries staying on her knees but arching her back, so her chest presses to the mattress.

The thought of what she must look like from afar sends her into a panic. No, no, no. That's way too much.

She settles on her back.

Should she have her knees up or not? She tries laying completely flat, with her legs stretched out. It's weird. It makes her cringe a little. Up goes her knees, her feet remaining flat. This feels right, makes the most sense. She wants to laugh at herself for trying all the other positions.