DIRTY

20 SAM 🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶

"Cera and Lynx are out. It's really late, the sun will be coming up soon" she informed.

"I know, you should get some sleep" I said, blowing cigarette smoke to the wind.

"So should you, you have another show tonight" Bayleigh said.

"I'm aware, but real musical geniuses don't sleep much" I explained.

"So, then why are you still up?" she joked sarcastically.

"Oh you got jokes?"

She giggled.

"But no seriously I can't sleep right now" I sighed.

"What happened to you?" she asked.

"I guess I just started rethinking my life a little too in depth" I shrugged.

"What do you mean, if you don't mind me asking?"

I exhaled deeply. I didn't know if I really wanted to let this woman peek behind my curtains. Suddenly she placed a blanket covered hand on my free hand.

"It's okay" she said softly.

I don't know why, but I believed her.

"For as long as I can remember music was my life. My entire childhood, music, lights, crowds, paparazzi was my life. My dad had me with him all the time" I started.

"Ooh, that sounds like fun" Bayleigh smiled.

"You would think it was, but it was a nightmare".

"How so?"

"My dad always wanted me to be like him, he wanted to live vicariously through him. And for a while I wanted the same until he started raising me Joe Jackson style" I explained.

"What does that mean?"

"It means if I missed a piano note, smack. If I missed a guitar chord, slap. Sing a note off-key, punch. My dad raised me, while my mom tended to Cera. My dad was an abusive, alcoholic junky who beat on the entire family" I explained.

"Your mom didn't leave him?"

"No, she loved the money more than anyone's well being including her own. Every summer she sent me on tour with this man. Every year he cheated and when she confronted him he beat her, or made her feel like she was being paranoid. So, no matter how much I told her, she dealt with the broken heart. The price to pay for the luxuries he was providing. Finally, dad's band got tired of his shit and booted him. Especially with making them look bad with all the stealing he was doing" I said, flicking the remains of my cigarette over the deck.

I looked down at Bayleigh. She was listening attentively as she adjusted the blanket on her shoulders.

"All the money in the world and he stole for sport" I continued. "Mom found out about the stealing, gambling and more infidelity and she turned to the bottle. After so long she couldn't deal with it, or the abuse and..."

I formed my fingers into the gesture of a gun and put them in my mouth. I made a bang sound as I bent my thumb to gesture a hammer on a pistol. Bayleigh gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. I nodded to reassure her accusation.

"She left her children to deal with the monster she called her husband and we called father" I said.

"What happened?"

"He beat us, me mostly, until I was big enough to fight back, and then the coward went constantly for Cera. He did it mostly when I wasn't home. So other than school I didn't have much of a social life. If it was somewhere I couldn't take her I stayed at home. I didn't have many girlfriends, sexual partners yes, but girlfriends no, because of the situation. One of my exes even slept with my dad" I explained, remembering Lacey.