The Bad Jokes #2: The Blonde

Chapter 6 (Gracie): Room For Interpretation

***TW for stalker discussion***

Dear Gracelyn:

You aren't listening to me and your stupid books would be so much better if you listened to my advice because my ideas are better than yours. You shouldn't have had Poppy get back together with Thundyrion. He should have been with Mellinza. She deserved him more than that littIe whore did! Melina waited for Thundyrion to notice her again after he kissed her on the spaceship the one time and he never did! I HATE WHEN YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME!

I'm so close to you now. That purple outfit you were wearing the other day looked like something one of your sIutty heroines would wear. Even that green dress you wore to church on Sunday was too low cut for a house of worship. I'm not going to be able to stay away much longer because YOU'RE MAKING ME SO MAD! Instead of just sitting on your porch at night (thank you for having cushions on your rocking chairs, by the way), I'm going to come in your house and we're going to have a chat and then I'm going to watch while you fix EVERY SINGLE BOOK so the other woman gets the man and has her happily ever after. I'm really looking forward to meeting you soon.

Your Fan

I called my brother as I ran to every door and window in my house to make sure they were locked. I pulled down any open blinds and yanked curtains across windows. It was official. Your Fan had thoroughly creeped me out. She had taken up the threat level by about a billion degrees, and I was ready to admit I wasn't able to handle this on my own. She'd been coming closer and closer to the line, but today? She'd crossed it like she was the winning driver at the Indy 500. She'd been sitting on my porch? At night while I slept, unaware? She'd been close enough to see two of my outfits in the last week? And, just to clarify, the green dress had been completely acceptable for church. She must dress like a nun if she thought it had been too low cut for church.

"You OK, Gracie?"

Just hearing my brother's voice calmed me a bit. "Check your email. I'm throwing in the towel on being brave, Alex. Your Fan has just scared the hell out of me and I'm not even going to try to be cool about it. I forwarded the email to you. She's been on my porch! She likes the cushions on my rocking chairs. She said the green dress I wore to church was slutty!"

"The one Mom said at brunch was a little too night-on-the town-ish for church? Maybe Mom's your stalker."

"Alex! Focus, please? I'm really freaked out."

"Just trying to distract you, Gracelyn. I'm reading the email now...oh, yeah. She's crossed into definite threat territory."

"And so? What's the next step? Do I move? Leave the country? What?"

"I'm going to call a guy who runs the best security business there is and we're going to get round-the-clock protection for you until we catch this bitch."

"When can they get here?"

My brother paused a minute. "OK, just sent Hatch a text. I'm going to give him a call as soon as I hang up with you and either I'll be there or one of his contractors will be within an hour. In the meantime, stay inside and don't open the door to anyone unless I'm on the phone with you and have given you the go-ahead. Got it?"

"Got it," I promised. "Just...hurry up, Alex."

"I got you."

My phone rang fifteen minutes later. Alex. I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Are you almost here?" I breathed into the phone.

"You sound funny. Where are you?"

I mumbled something.