The Whims of The Wild

TUBBO and RANBOO Get KIDNAPPED by a CRAZY FAERIE Man (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)

Is Ranboo and Tubbo being clingy and really touchy canon conforming??? No. Am I touch starved and gonna do it anyway???? Yes.

Warning: swearing, kidnapping

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"So... Ailill," Ranboo said the name slowly, as though going through the syllables with a fine tooth comb and inspecting each one. "How did you do that... Flash thing?"

"Optic effects." He waved it away breezily. "So is Randy your real name?"

"What?" 

"Or is it a nickname?"

Ranboo bristled. He couldn't think of a single reason why this man would need or care to know more about his name.

Unless...? 

Nope. 

There was absolutely no feasible way this stranger could care about a teenage boy's name.

He had to know something.

"It's my real name," he confirmed, tension evident in his tone and posture. For once, he was sitting up straight and his shoulders were stiff. His eyes were narrowed and his mind was moving a million miles a minute.

Ranboo's fists tightened around Tubbo's now braided hair.

"Stop," he groaned, sleep evident in voice.

Ranboo blinked, remembering Tubbo had been sitting with him this whole time, and mumbled an apology.

Tubbo lifted his head, eyes bleary and perspective disoriented. He rubbed the sleep away from his vision and let out a confused gasp as he saw Ailill.

He sat up straight away and scampered away from his friend. 

"Who the fuck are you?" He demanded, arms crossed.

"I'm Ailill," the brown-haired man said.

"What do you want?" 

"Want? Oh, there's nothing you have that I want..." He looked to the side and trailed off as though he were going to continue the sentence, perhaps with an "except," but instead closed his mouth.

Tubbo distrusted him. He couldn't explain it--he just did. There was something about the look in his eyes that rubbed Tubbo the wrong way. 

He eyed the man with suspicion, grabbing Ranboo's hand tightly. Ailill smiled, in a way Tubbo assumed would be winning if he wasn't so deceitful looking.

There was nothing Tubbo hated more than deceit. He despised it, it made his blood boil. Even tiny little white lies set him off.

"So... Tobias," Ailill said, as though it were an insult, "what's it like with your friend, Randy?"

"Why do you care?" Tubbo moved back towards Ranboo and wrapped a protective arm around him.

"No particular reason." he shrugged. "You seem close is all."

Tubbo hated vagueness almost as much as deceit. In his mind it practically was a form of it. The only reason you'd leave out so many details was to lie to someone.

"It's good," he replied shortly, wrapping his other arm around his torso and hugging Ranboo tighter; the bi-colored boy squirmed in his grip.

"Tubbo," he whispered, half-wheezing, "you're squeezing my lungs."

He let go quickly and Ranboo felt over, almost gasping for breath. 

"Tubbs, I love you, but please consider my rib cage before hugging me again," he requested, panting.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!" Tubbo apologized rapid-fire, words faster than that one roadrunner from that one cartoon.

Ailill snorted, only to be met with glares from the two teens. A nonverbal "fuck you," if you will.

"Look, dude, if you don't need anything else, we're just gonna go." Ranboo, breath officially caught, hauled himself to his feet, subsequently pulling his much shorter companion up with him.

The man sat on the grass and watched them pack up their belongings. Letting them get just a bit away, his voice rang out across the clearing.

"I have a place I'd like for you to see, Randy, Tobias.*

The duo looked at each other.

"Um... How bout no?" Ranboo suggested, looking at with a strange expression.

"We're okay, but thank you," Tubbo said much more politely, raising his hands to indicate that, no, thank you, he was completely fine with his friend and their cat, Michael, and would like to formally decline any offers of being kidnapped for the foreseeable future.

Ailill's panic was evident in his face. He had fucked up. That should have worked. He and Charlie had been working so hard to improve his persuasion skills! Those damn humans (well, one of them seemed human at least. The other was rather strange looking; Ailill couldn't tell if he was a human or a faerie of some kind. Maybe he was a changling or a hybrid.) had lied to him.

He had promised his dad he'd finally find a human to help with house chores, and to his mum because she was going to get lonely all by herself with Tommy moving out sometime (hopefully) in the near future.

Then again, if Tommy moved out it would no doubt be in with him...

That would be far, far worse. He was not paid to babysit a fae child whom he was almost certain was some troll's changling, the replacement for Ailill's urely handsome and refined faerie brother.

But he had promised his parents some mortal companions, and he owed them already for even letting him use their faerie circle to leave the village, he couldn't just not deliver on the whole reason why they had. He ran an anxious hand through his hair. 

Fuck.

"No, no, it's... It's this beautiful place, I'd love to show it to you!" He was grasping at straws and everyone could tell. Why wasn't it working!?

"We're alright." 

"Yeah. Thanks though."

Either he'd been duped, or Charlie Slimecicle was not as good a teacher as he'd promised.

Ailill huffed.

He hadn't wanted to use force. He had wanted to practice his persuasion, but no. These... These fetuses had lied to him and now he had to drag them back!

What a goddamn chore.

"Come with me."

His vocal inflection changed dramatically, his face along with. A bit of shadow manipulation later and he really did look quite threatening.

"We're really fine." Tubbo started to back away hands still in a submissive, "waving the white flag," position in the air.

"Wasn't a request."

With that, black spread across Ranboo and Tubbo's fields of vision. They let out high-pitched screams and Ailill winced.

"At least my mum won't be upset at me." He shrugged.

----

so I'm going to church camp (ugh) this weekend and the next upload will be delayed (I say as though my upload schedule isn't just "lol I wanna update whims I'm gonna go do that" lmao)

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter! It's shorter than I would've liked but that's okay, it's just a transition to the actual plot. Also, fae!Sorry boys???? Are you hyped???? Excited?????????? I am!!!!

This was originally supposed to be Tommy centric and SBI, but there's Shipping which is all about Tommy (plus I sort of kind of like bee duo more but shshshhs I still love Tommy) and Slimecicle is too good not include, and honestly I'm not ready to write Technoblade, and all of the SBI boys minus techno are part of sorry, so I've made the executive decision to switch over to them. We might also see some appearances from the Misfits crew depending on whether I'm in a silly goofy mood or not.

-Cas