Ateez One Shots

San mending you

Paring : Choi San × ReaderGenre : Smut, Angst, Fluff, GrowthWarning : Mention of self harm, Vanilla Sex, A little harsh San, Mention of degradation

"I don't think you will be able to understand, nor can I bear the reoccuring of your mindset of being so oblivious and not understanding a simple thing ' a person isn't entitled to text you everyday and if they don't it doesn't mean they want to get away with you ' and half of your problems about ' people leaving you ' is because you don't have the patience and i guess mental strength to respect space for other people. I know you claim to, but in reality you have a habit of making everything about yourself and how you're the only one suffering and you always need someone to depend emotionally and mentally. In reality you're really dense in understanding that everything goes both ways and no matter how much someone advices you or no matter how much someone wants to help you, you can't make yourself to change even after receiving the help. You just like depending and that's why you can't let go of the things that make you more miserable"

You read the msg again and again for two years by now. It was from the last friend of yours whom you thought was never gonna let you go no matter how mentally sick you were. It was you, really yourself, you always knew, always warned people that they are bound to leave you. Though with help to you, you were trying to get better with her help but your mental health was too fucked that it was taking so much of your friends' patience to help you. You were being too much, to possessive, to insecure where at a point they got tired of your negative mentality and insecurities.

Insecurity was you biggest enemy you thought and it stabbed you again and again no matter how many times you started being friends with someone. You were tired of telling people how fucked your life was, how fucked up you were where at a point you stopped being attached with everyone.

With Choi San, your fuck buddy probably, it was just day and night, where you were in denial that you wanted him more than fucking him. It's not new to you how much he always tries invading the doors you've closed for loving someone, but you always pushed him away with something he would like more than talking deep shits. Him always trying to comfort you when you would starts crying out of nowhere while he would be inside you, his soft kisses to make you understand he loves you were enough to build something inside of your stomach for him. But you act like a jerk everytime his soft side was shown in front of him. No, you can't love him, ruin him like your old friends, not when you still haven't healed from your traumas.

And again, he was at it when he is in your apartment couch, having you on his lap while you were straddling him sitting on his dick, moving your ass like your life depends on each thrusts. You both covered with blankets because it's too cold even though he fucked you thrice tonight.

And here he goes again, kissing you firmly. His lips on your jaw, down to your neck. You can sense care with each kisses which you hate, your stomach cries for those but you know it's bad, "Bite me!" You command but he doesn't listen. He is adamant tonight to make you understand how his mind is always filled with you, not because you let him fuck you so well neither the way you scream when he doesn't stop but for the way you laugh at his silly jokes, hit him gently, care for him but act like you don't give a fuck. He was in love with you so badly that he couldn't ever describe.

When he first saw you in college, you were a loner. You talked with people, laughed, went to parties but no one knew about how you were, who you really were. He would notice your puffy eyes in parties but never saw you cry. He would see how you would drink too much and walk along with some boy you seemed to be interested in through the party. He always got eyes on you not knowing he would be able to be one of those boys one day. Even if he fucks you only, it because it's better than other boys ruining you, because to him you should be belong to him but he can't even claim you.