one of them - j.flatters

xx. I feel it coming

MARCH 2019 - LOS ANGELES
Since the holidays, Annie had flown to Los Angeles as often as she could. Today being yet another frequent visit of hers which made Eliana want to scream all of her frustration out of her lungs, annoyed by her mother's overly protectiveness, feeling constantly trapped and watched and suffocated. Filming was nearly done and the brunette didn't need the extra pressure coming from her mother, she hated feeling her judgmental stares from the sides of the set, it always made it more difficult for her to perform. Even if she knew all of her comments only meant to be constructive, they felt the complete opposite, they were destructive. Especially now that her career was the only thing keeping her mother sane, focusing on Eliana was the only way for Annie to avoid thinking about her divorce.

After storming out of the restaurant on the last holiday dinner, a long and heated lecture had awaited Eliana. Annie had yelled at her for having a boyfriend who was no other than a coworker, telling her how unprofessional that was, and then Victor had yelled at Annie for being too hard on their daughter. That had been the moment Eliana realized that no matter what she would do, she would forever be criticized for it. Never good enough, had been the words she had thought while watching her parents fight in the middle of the street that night. But despite the disapproval of her parents, everyone on set, including castmates and crew, had been supportive of her and Jamie's relationship. When Sam had heard about it, he had ran into the kids' breakroom, his hand clutching at his heart like a proud parent at the sight of the two teenagers who sat on the couch, before hugging them so tight it almost filled the void Eliana had felt in her heart for some time. Everyone was so happy for the young couple except the persons that mattered the most to the brunette and it made her heart slightly shatter where cracks had gradually appeared over time. Cracks that Eliana wished to conceal with the foundation she had been nervously applying for the past several minutes. Annie stood behind her daughter, a flattening iron in her hand as she helped the brunette get ready for today's interview. Eliana's first. This morning, production had set up an interview for all of the kids and main cast and it was to be shown when the movie would come out. So, Annie and Eliana passed all of their morning perfecting the young girl's image and despite showing no anxious traits, the whole world outside of her head was tuned out, Eliana had one thing on her mind and it was to excel this interview. No matter what the questions were.

"Careful." Eliana winced as Annie got too close with the hot iron, almost burning the side of her ear. "Why can't I just put my hair into a ponytail?" She questioned, frowning at her mother through the reflection of the mirror before them. The mother-daughter duo had taken all the space in the changing rooms, locking themselves in it for the past half-hour.

"Your curly hair is frizzy, we don't want to look like we just came out of the rain in front of the camera. Trust me, it will look great." Annie finished flattening a strand of curly hair, heat smoke coming from the iron as the girl sensed a burning sensation. Yet it wasn't from the hairstyling tool, it was in her stomach. It felt like she was getting repeatedly punched by a professional boxer, she thought she was going to throw up so she stretched her arm to grab her water bottle, gulping it down in a matter of seconds. The cold liquid did cool her stomach, but not the nerves. "God, Eliana. You've made a mess of your shirt!" Annie annoyedly groaned, pointing out her damped shirt, causing the fabric to turn darker, transparent, before yanking the water bottle out of her daughter's hand and throwing it in the garbage. "Now, it's ruined." She rolled her eyes.

"It's just a shirt, I can grab another one in my room." Eliana shrugged, not understanding why Annie had made this a much bigger deal than it actually was. She hadn't smudged her perfectly done makeup, she hadn't messed her neatly styled hair. Water had dripped from her chin to her shirt, that was it. But Annie acted like she had killed someone and suddenly Eliana felt like a little girl again, getting yelled at for only spilling milk on the kitchen table. "Stay here." Annie ordered, her hand sharply pulling the brunette back into her seat. "I'll go get you something else while you think about what kind of actress you want to be and I sure hope it's not the sloppy kind."

As she watched her mother unlock the door and get out, Eliana gulped the lump in her throat, Annie's words had gotten stuck at the back of it and made it nearly impossible to normally breathe. The brunette felt the tears creeping at the back of her eyes but she blank them away before getting too much in her head. She knew how awful the divorce had impacted her mother. Despite wanting to be a strong force, Annie clearly struggled with it, the heartbreak was written all over her tired features. So the brunette excused once again her mother's behavior yet it didn't hurt any less. While Eliana heard the distant laughs of her friends from the room next door, she was quickly reminded that today, this interview was supposed to be fun. Eliana was supposed to feel excited about taking the next step in her career but her mother's crudeness had somehow ruined it.

"Knock. Knock." She lifted her head to see Britain standing by the door's frame, waiting to be acknowledge by the girl before entering the room. Eliana smiled at the boy, giving him the consent he needed for him to join her side on the chair next to her. "Saw your mom storm off the set, everything okay?" Eliana hummed, forcing her most convincing grin but her scrunched eyebrows betrayed her. Britain had red into her traits which made the girl wish that sometimes she couldn't be as readable as she was. "Did you get another one?" He questioned. Another one. Eliana didn't need an explanation as she had understood what he had meant by those words. Did she had another anxiety attack? The brunette shook her head, her arms locked in between her legs.

"I'm fine." She paused, finally locking gaze with her blond friend as she knew he wouldn't leave it alone, leave her alone until he was satisfied with her response. "Just stressed about the interview." She tried to smile but her lips stayed in a straight line. In some ways, Britain knew what the girl felt. He felt that way sometimes, like there were multiple pair of hands pulling him down and deep into the ground until he couldn't breathe. But he also knew that Eliana shouldn't let the anxiety stop her from turning her dreams into reality, the same way he hadn't.

"If you could do anything right now, what would you do?" Britain asked which made the girl nervously laughed, being caught off guard by his question but the more she thought about it, the more an honest answer formed in her mind, one she actually didn't mind sharing with one of her closest friend.

"Lay in bed with Jamie." She blushed, putting a hand to hide her eyes from seeing the boy's reaction. She only could hear his laugh echoed in the room. Despite being shy of her reply, she had meant it. Jamie was her safe space, her mind seemed to empty itself of any worries whenever she was close to the boy and it was exactly what she needed in that moment. "Then what are you waiting for?" Britain challenged, arching an eyebrow as a smile still curled his lips.

"I can't." Eliana protested. "Remember? The interview..." She paused. "Plus, my mom would kill me if I leave this room."

"The interview is still in an hour and I'm pretty sure Jamie is still in his apartment getting ready for it." Britain explained. There was a short silence between the two friends. Eliana contemplating the idea of joining her boyfriend back in his apartment, of choosing to be a sloppy kind of actress when Annie had fairly advised her of doing the complete opposite. "Just fucking go, Lil." Britain yelled which made the girl immediately jump on her feet as if those words had been the boost she had been waiting for.

"Yeah." Eliana muttered, her eyebrows coming closer and closer the more she thought about the idea of it. "Fuck that, I'm a teenager. I'll go see my boyfriend if I want to." She said a little louder this time. Britain admiring her from his seat, his head lifted as she now towered him, an excited smile plastered on his face. "Fuck yeah." He matched her tone, giving her a slight push toward the door as she ran to Jamie's apartment. Whatever her mother said, Eliana was not sloppy, she was just a kid in love.

So for the next hour, she acted like one. Her and Jamie laid in his bed, cuddling, kissing, hiding from Annie and the anxious feelings from the interview. For this short amount of time, it soothed the girl's mind from the grey cloud that had recently been darkening all of her thoughts. But when she came back on set, it felt like the void she had been feeling these past months had worsened as if tasting the sun for a quick moment had turned the storm more violent, more exhausting. Eliana was finally aware of the fact she was slowly loosing herself and it terrified the fuck out of her.