Empires Smp / Life Series Incorrect Quotes!

9

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Pix: You're acting pretty carefree for someone who's life's at stake. Who's to say you aren't the killer?
Sausage: It's a murder, not a tax audit. I'll be fine.
Shelby: What about Gem? Nobody ever suspects Gem!
Gem: Well what about Jimmy? They have a gun!
Jimmy: Joey has a knife.
Joey: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Shelby in the arm*

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Pix, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

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Impulse: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a brain cell.
Grian, Martyn, Jimmy, and Mumbo: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred brain cell!

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Scar: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

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Lizzie: Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Jimmy: How?
Lizzie: I need someone to take the fall.
Jimmy: What did you do?
Lizzie: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
False, from the other room: Oh my god.
Lizzie: ...
False: OH MY GOD!
Jimmy: Make it a hundred.
Lizzie: Deal.

(X-LIFE????)

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Pix: Anyone d-
Scott: Depressed?
False: Drained?
Oli: Dumb?
Jimmy: Disliked?
Pix: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...

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Scar: Here comes the lightning!
Scar, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.
Joel: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

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Oli, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Pixlriffs.
Pix, not looking up from their coffee: Good morning, problem child.

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Katherine: Between Jimmy, Lizzie, fWhip, and Shelby -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
False: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Katherine: fWhip?
False: Yeah, but I don't know why.

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Jimmy: I don't even use tubberware anymore.
Lizzie: What are you saying? Say it again.
Jimmy: Tubberware.
Lizzie: Say it again. Slow.
Jimmy: Tubberware.
Lizzie: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable.
Jimmy: Tub.
Lizzie: Wrong.
Jimmy: What do you mean, wrong?
Lizzie: I thought I caught that. You're saying tub. It's P.
Jimmy: What are you talking about?
Lizzie: Tupperware. Tupper.
Jimmy: It's tupper!
Lizzie: It's tupper, always has been, always will be.
Jimmy: I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.

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Pearl: So Sausage, how did your first time cooking dinner go?
Sausage: Pretty good if I do say so myself.
Pearl: Oo! Okay, what are we having?
Sausage: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato.
Pearl: A whole potato?
Sausage: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!
Pearl: These just look like big slabs of coal.
Sausage: Because that's what they are!
Sausage: And then for desert, we have chocolate.
Pearl: These are just chocolate chips?
Sausage: They sure are!
Sausage: And then for drinks, we have toast!
Sausage: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!

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Cleo: Bdubs, please calm down.
Bdubs: I asked for two large fries!
Bdubs: *dumps fries onto table*
Bdubs: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

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Kidnapper: We have your child
Grian: I don't have a child?
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?
Grian: Oh god, you have Jimmy

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Joel: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there's nothing there?
Martyn: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.
Pearl:
Jimmy: *sobs*
Impulse: You fucking scared them, you idiot.

(Just to make sure you guys aren't scared. You have been misinformed by this incorrect quote. It is actually Formication;  Formication is a specific type of hallucination that feels like insects crawling in, on or underneath your skin. It is to do with anxiety and stress, so don't worry!)

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Etho: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?
Scott: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Jimmy, deer!"
Etho: ...And what did Jimmy do?
Scott: ...They said "Yes, Honey?"

(Btw feel free to tell me if one has repeated or I have put it in more than once so that I can remove it)

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Martyn: Look at the buns on that guy!
Jimmy: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*
Impulse: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Martyn: I'm not going back to jail!

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Jimmy: Why don't I like this person?
Tango: I don't know. Maybe it's because they keep stealing your thunder.
Jimmy: Maybe it's because their name is "Joel". Don't you find that utterly ridiculous?
Tango: No.
Jimmy: That's because your name is "Tango".

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Scott, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Jimmy, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You're staying home and having my kids.
Martyn: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Scott: Playing systemic oppression.

(Have a bit of New Life)

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Katherine: Can you cut me some slack, Shelby? I'm sort of in love.
Shelby: I'm sorry, but that's really not my problem.
Katherine: I'm in love with you.
Shelby: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

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Jimmy: I think I need a hug...
Scott: Good thing I'm hug shaped!
*45 minutes later*
Jimmy: You... you can let go now.
Scott: No, I absolutely cannot.

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Jimmy: When Scott was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world."
Xornoth: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

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