Never Knew I Needed (Chaelisa)

Chapter 32

About making me and her an 'us'.

"You have to believe me," she reinforces and tugs my hand into her lap, squeezing a little harder as her eyes fill with tears. "Lisa, the thought of not seeing you everyday made me not want to go," she chokes out through a sob, a single tear falling down her cheek. "I didn't want to have to live without you."

"Then why did you go?" I squeak, my brow furrowing. She opens her mouth to answer, her lips move but no words come out and I shake my head from side to side, my eyes falling shut. "Rosie, I didn't want to live without you either, and I know that you had to go because it was the best thing to do," I shrug because I already know that, but it still hurts to say. "But you could've called me," my eyes drift to the ceiling as I take in a deep breath, a tear trailing down my cheek. "For an entire year-a whole year, Rosie-my heart broke every single day because you didn't call. You didn't even try to talk to me." My eyes drift back down to meet hers and my voice breaks when I ask, "Wh-Why?"

"Because I-" Rosé gulps and now it's her turn to look away, biting her lip. "I couldn't."

My eyes narrow, jaw hardening. "Why?"

"I..." Rosé releases one of my hands to wipe at the tears pooling in the corner of her eye. "I thought you hated me," she finally replies, lifting both shoulders.

It's the same thing she said when I was lying in bed together yesterday, but it still doesn't explain it.

"I already told you I didn't hate you," I counter, my voice a whisper. "I hated what you did to me, but not you. I couldn't ever hate you, Rosie."

"I know, but," Rosé chokes up, her sentence halting. She squeezes her eyes shut, lowers her head and shakes it, muttering something beneath her own breath. I can't help it when I reach up with one hand and cup her cheek. It's like gravity, and she looks back to me with blood-shot eyes and whimpers. "I left, Lisa." She pauses, her lower lip trembling. "I left, went to London for an entire year, and I left only days after I told you I was going," she says with desperation in her tone, her eyes pleading with me. "I just up and left you and I truly believed you hated me. I never thought you'd want to talk to me again."

I tilt my head to the side, my face screwing up and wetness coating my cheeks. "But that doesn't explain why you didn't even call me, Rosé."

She clutches at my hands like they're a life raft, and her eyes bore into mine. "I tried to," she gets out. "I tried to but I couldn't... because I couldn't handle it if you'd hung up on me," she gulps and you shake your head, trying to tell her without words I would never have done that but then she continues. "I thought you hated me, Lisa, so I couldn't call you and run that risk, but... in November..." She takes in a deep breath, her eyes dropping and closing. "In November I just couldn't take it anymore." She gnaws on her bottom lip swallows thickly. "I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to hear your voice... but I didn't want you to reject me," her voice cracks at the end and she winces. "I couldn't handle it, I was a mess already, but I had to get to you somehow. I had to tell you how I felt, I had to tell you how much I missed you and so..." Her eyes meet yours and she sucks in her lips. "I sent something."

My eyebrows raise but then scrunch together as confusion sets in. I look at her, my head tilted to the side and I'm just about ready to argue with her, but then my mind takes me back to November and it hits me.

***

Tzuyu's standing on the other side of the door, holding a package in her hand, one covered with brown paper and a thin string tied around the middle.

"It was left for you," is the first thing she says and I narrow my eyes because I was sure I checked my mailbox two hours ago, but whatever.

"Oh," I say and take the package from her. "Thanks."