Friendly Dating 2 - Ethan

Chapter 7 - Come Test Drive My Heart

I always wonder why that doesn't tell her anything about how she really feels about me, but then I remember Lurch and his many siblings. He has a brother he always claims to hate, but he'll risk his life to save him at the drop of a hat. So... I'm back to the irritating-brother-she-got-stuck-with theory.

Still, she really went all out last year when that psycho harpy, whom I didn't know I was dating, tried to frame me for the theft of some seriously expensive photographic equipment from the school library. The evidence (false) was stacked against me, and my love for photography is no secret; I've often admired the school's equipment. The case against me was so convincing I almost believed that I took it.

I really thought I was going down, and so did my parents and the teachers, who got dragged into the mess against their will and were unwilling to believe that I would do something like that because they know me. One day we were all gathered in Principal Blake's office; my parents, Mr Samuels, the disciplinary head and some policemen and suddenly, in came Kira, looking like a canary trapped in a cattery.

She started off by explaining to everybody how awesome I am... Well, she used words like obnoxious, perverted, nasty... a pain in the butt... and so on, but still, she was actually singing my praises, ending by stating that she knows without a shadow of a doubt that I'm not a criminal. That didn't help much, it mostly confused people and made them wonder about the perverted and nasty bits, but it still hit me right in the heart, and for the first time, I had hope that she might actually love me back.

Fortunately, she had more than just that speech up her sleeve, she played a recording she'd made of Harmony Harper talking about her scheme, and that was that. The new clues were investigated, the equipment was found, and Harmony and the two love-sick puppies who helped her got suspended for a few weeks. Life went back to normal. I might have punched those two lovers out of their stupor and into a better level of consciousness, and Harmony still runs when she sees Delia coming... or any of my friends.

So, Kira will help me get that car I love. I know she will. I know this with a deeper certainty than I knew she'd help build new habitats for the almost extinct species I'm pretty sure Burlap made up. Kicks would already know about them and be doing stuff to save them if there were any around here.

"I don't get it," she says after a long silence in which I ran down memory lane, waiting for the words, "Oh, yes, Ethy, of course, I'll help you!" Those are not the words I'm hearing, though. "Where do the words date, boyfriend and... well... me fit into that story?"

"Right!" I exclaim, realising that it probably doesn't make any sense at all outside of my head since the vital part of my story is still stuck in there. "What better way to prove that I'm now an upstanding member of society than presenting my very respectable girlfriend to my grandfather? I mean a real girlfriend, not a flooser-fancy." 

That is a real term in Grandpa Alistair's homemade dictionary. He has many others in there; ne'er-do-well-ruff-a-tuff is one of his favourites. 

"Then she can go: Ooooh, Ethan is just the best boyfriend ever!" I add, and just to give her a hint that I mean her and not some random girl, I make it very clear by mimicking Kira's voice and flapping my hands around cutely... I hope...

I'm relieved... and a little alarmed when she giggles. She's either climbing on board, or she's getting ready to kick my ass. Things could go either way from here.

"So," she says, clearing her throat and sounding very serious. "If I understand you correctly, you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend and say to your grandfather: Ooooh, Ethan is just the best boyfriend ever...?" She forgot to flap her hands cutely, and if she's going to do it in that flat voice, it is not going to be convincing at all... Besides, she's missing the point.