Animae Dimidium Meae - Drarry

Chapter 3

And sure enough, the mood switched. 

After being to Hogwarts to work with McGonagall, Harry took some time for himself to wonder about in the castle. It was the first time for him to be alone in the corridors of Hogwarts after May 2nd. Nobody never left him alone there, and he thanked everyone inside his mind. 

However, he felt that he needed to do this. He felt that it was time for him to allow himself to grieve, to cry, to scream. It was time to start letting emotions go around, letting the tears sign his face, while he watched the point in the Great Hall were less than two months before Lupin and Tonks' bodies lay. He cried, cried a lot. Not even the June bright sun could warm him up. The cold bitterness of being alive was too strong on him. He felt guilty. Guilty for everyone that had died for him. 

Even though he was allowed the chance to talk to Lupin, Sirius and his parents before going to face Voldemort, it wasn't enough. It was not something you could just heal from that fast. Hermione always said that to him, that he was allowed to grieve, to cry, and to stay in bed a whole week if he felt like he needed it. Nobody had the power to speed him up on his healing process, nor anybody could ever make him feel as if he was being too dramatic.

That was how the Ministry tried to make him feel by owling him every day to receive an interview, or offering him jobs, or encounters with the press. The ministry wanted him there, he knew that, but luckily he had McGonagall word that he could hide himself in Hogwarts whenever he wanted to. Professor McGonagall was the only one in the Order, apart from Mr. Weasley of course, that had talked with the Ministry. She always forced them to have a biscuit, and their visits always ended up being very short, probably due to the Muggle laxative she put in there, or maybe due to her terrific ability to stick to her conditions without falter.

He was missing from her Office for an hour now, and he was feeling lighter, at least. He really needed this, but now it was time to head back.

On his way back he met Ron and Hermione: 'Harry! We were just going to send you a Patronus to say that we were heading back home. How are you? Better?' - asked Hermione with concern in her voice.

'Sort of. If that, I'm feeling lighter. I managed to let some of my emotions out. It felt good. Even Pix had pity on me and went to harass Hagrid instead'.

Ron snorted. 'Well, should we go and see how he is? What do you think?' - asked Ron, and after receiving two nods from the others, he continued: 'It is good to hear that, Harry, truly. I don't want you to bottle up all your emotions like that. It ended. You put an end to it, there's nobody anymore to read your thoughts or your mind. You, we have McGonagall to protect all of us from the Ministry on the other hand, so it is really the time for you to act like an almost 18-years-old boy and to start crying and laughing as you should have been allowed to do years ago.' - He finished.

Harry smiled, and, after throwing an arm on Ron's, and the other on Hermione's shoulder, off they went to see Hagrid, finally starting to feel, for what it was possible, like the 18-years-old they were.

Hagrid was heading to Dumbledore's tomb with Fang alongside him trying to catch a butterfly in the air. Even with all the emotions experienced before, and the dried tears on his cheeks, Harry could feel his soul healing a bit and warming up.

'Hagrid!' - exclaimed Harry, heading to the Gamekeeper, followed by Ron and Hermione.

'Ye three! How did it go at the trial?' - asked Hagrid while Harry, Ron and Hermione paced alongside him trying to keep the speed of the Half-giant.

'Draco and Narcissa have been cleared of all charges, Lucius has been sentenced to 5 years in Azkaban and then community service' - answered Harry. Hagrid exploded in laughter: 'Community service? I want to live just te see him servicing others!'

'Hagrid!' - reprimanded Hermione though trying to hide a smile. 'I'm glad he will experience some community service, I think it is most deserved that the sentence in Azkaban itself'.

'Yeh, I think also too that.' - commented Hagrid. 'How are you feeling today, Harry?'

'I don't know, I cried before, in the castle. I think I still feel impostor syndrome to much to handle some times, but I'm cooping. Thanks.' - Answered Harry, looking at the landscape in front of him: the sun was shining and the field were the greener he had ever seen them. The tomb was shining in the sunlight and the Black Lake was almost like a mirror of the sky.

'Yeh know' - responded Hagrid - 'after yer parents were killed, and I came to pick yeh, I felt the same way. It was almost as if I wanted to give meh life to give it to them. I was older than them, and much more disposable. I learned to live with that feeling and, with time, got to understand it. We like to think there's a motive to things that happen to us, when in reality there isn't. We just need to accept it.'

Harry had tears in his eyes. 'I think you sounded exactly like Dumbledore, Hagrid. He once said to me the exact same things. I needed to hear them out loud again. Thank you.'

'Thank you, Harry. Sometimes I forget how you're not that 11-years-old kid that I rescued from his shitty uncles. Pardon my french. You're a grown man now, probably too fast grown, but still.'

Harry reached for Hagrid and hugged him, as he did in second year. The too big arms of Hagrid were crushing him, but it didn't matter. For the first time since May 2nd, Harry was feeling better, and when Ron and Hermione reached for them in a 4-people hug, he felt home for the first time in a while.