Portraits of our dreams (Hashirama x Madara)

17. New friendships (Madara)

Hashirama respected my wish to be alone, and didn't contact me. There was one awkward moment where we had met, at a staff party thrown by the architect who was also my employer. I hadn't thought about it, but of course Hashirama would be there as well.

I panicked when I saw him, and saw he was handsome as ever and looked healthy. He had cut his hair so it reached his shoulder blades instead of his waist, and it was done in a razor-sharp line instead of its usual drop-shape. It suited him. He was talking to some young, tall men that looked Scandinavian. 

I didn't know if I should say hi, ignore him or run away. But he solved that problem for me as he caught my eyes and raised his champagne glass in a toast. I looked down with a blush, and had to admit to myself that seeing him talking to other men hurt.

And it seemed as if seeing me talk to others hurt him as well, as every time I looked up to search for him, he was already there with his gaze, looking over with a sorrowful expression on his beautiful fucking face. Although when he realised I was looking at him, his face changed and he just smiled.

Then, just like that, he was gone. Had had left the party without saying goodbye to me.

"Madara! Catch!"

"Ouff!" I huffed as a glass bottle of strawberry soda was thrown at me. "You can't throw things at me! You know I can't catch them!"

"What were you daydreaming about?"

I shrunk down in my oversized T-shirt.

"Nothing."

My friend came over to our group and sat down after having given me my soda, and opened his own Vanilla Coke. It was a scorching hot day, and while my other male friends were frying themselves in the sun, I was in the shade of a parasol.

"Come on, you can tell us."

I knew it was true. My male friends from work were a blast, and I trusted them immensely. We had all taken our summer holidays in the middle of July to travel abroad together, and we had enjoyed ourselves a lot. Now, we were at our local beach, trying to soak up the last of summer together.

"Is it that man?" Vanilla Coke asked.

I nodded.

"I think I'll go for a swim", I said. "To cool down."

"I'll join you", Vanilla Coke said.

He did, and the cool of the water was welcome after the heat of land.

We didn't talk, just swam out until our feet couldn't reach the bottom anymore, which happened sooner for me as I was shorter.

"Tell me", Vanilla Coke urged. 

I did. I hadn't told anyone about my ex or Hashirama before, but now, I eased my heart. I told him everything, including the abuse and seeing Hashirama with my ex.

"Shit", Vanilla Coke said. "What are the odds?"

"I know", I said.

"Do you still want him? This Hashirama guy, I mean, not your abusive asshole of an ex."

"I don't know", I said honestly. "And even if I knew I did... I don't know, it's been so long. What if he has someone else?"

"Would you rather live your entire life not knowing, or to just find out?"

"To just find out", I said without a moment's hesitation, which surprised me. "But there's something else..." Vanilla Coke waited patiently. I took a deep breath. I had never told anyone what I was going to say next, not even Hashirama. "The day I met my ex for the first time, the abusive one, I was at a bar. There, I saw this bartender... I know this will sound stupid, but I felt there was an instant connection between us. Then, my ex came and bought me a drink, and I never had the chance to talk to him. But my thoughts have kept coming back to the bartender whenever I experience hardships in my life. I imagine my life with him, that is always an easier one than the one I have been given. I know it's stupid", I repeated, feeling the need to defend myself. "Maybe, he would have been even more abusive."