Jimonmi (Kwon Il-ha X OC)

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙𝟙

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"OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT ME!!!"

I opened my eyes instantly. My breathing was getting heavier, tears escaped my eyes as I closed my mouth tightly, trying not to wake anyone up.

A nightmare

It was just a nightmare.

Everything is alright now.

I kept convincing myself about the dream I had, trying to calm myself down. I got off the bed and walked out of the door carefully without making any noise. I slowly closed the door and walked into our classroom.

"Oh- Ilha-ya?"

Il-ha was sitting on his desk staring at the window.

"Jun-ah, Why aren't you sleeping?", He stood up.

I went towards him and took a seat beside him.

"A nightmare, what about you?"

"I couldn't sleep"

"Because of what happened earlier?", I asked.

He gave me a nod.

"What about you?"

"I am alright", I shrugged off.

"YAHH, ARE YOU FOR REAL?"

I flinched because of his loud voice.

"You are alright? For fuck's sake, I barely witnessed what happened and you experienced it. I feel like shit about everything. HOW CAN YOU BE ALRIGHT? WHEN I AM CLEARLY NOT?", He spat everything out and kicked a desk near him with outrage.

Il-ha was frustrated with everything. It was so obvious. His eyes were red and glossy with tears. His face was turning crimson as every second passed. Il-ha's breathing was also abnormal.

"FUCK. I'm sorry", he raced towards the door.

"Ilha-ya", I ran behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind to stop him, "Stay", I sobbed.

He turned around facing me with my arms still around him. I buried my face into his front and hugged him tightly.

"You are right, I am not okay. I never was", I finally let my guard down.

Tears started to spill off my eyes as I pulled away, looking into Il-ha's eyes. His expressions softened as he gazed into my eyes.

"I hate myself", I expressed how I felt for the first time.

He looked at me totally confused with my words.

"I don't feel sorry for what happened to Younghun", I spoke swallowing the lump formed in my throat.

I knew I shouldn't feel like that. My classmate died, but I was relieved that I won't have to meet him again. That weirdly brought peace to my mind. But no matter how much I tried to understand, I felt guilty.

He was at fault.

It was his fault in the first place, but still, he didn't have to die. I just couldn't digest the fact that I was feeling such things. I was partially a reason for his death, but I never felt bad about it.

I looked down with guilt as tears kept streaming down my face.

"Yeojun-ah", Il-ha lifted my face facing his.

"I don't know what you are going through but if that sphere didn't kill him, I would have killed him instead. What he did was unforgivable. No excuse could change that. And it was never your fault. He deserved that. Just think that he was punished for his actions. Maybe that will make you feel better"