I was walking on a mildly crowded street, not aimlessly as I might've liked to, I did have a destination in mind. But oh, to walk around aimlessly this autumn evening as the dead leaves rained down from their respective trees, a luxury i wasn't allowing myself to have. Although the leaves were all shedding off, the light of the tree didn't falter even a little bit, the trees were resilient and determined to survive the upcoming winter and bloom again.
I walked past a park, the playing children were all energetic and bursting with the light. I glanced upon the elderly sitting on the benches overlooking the play area, their lights were certainly dimmer as they neared death yet the lights were steady as ever. There was also a couple, sitting close to each other, their lights shining in harmony, it was truly a wonderful sight seeing young love but my heart could only ache in response to the sight, yearning something similar for itself. I was quite used to the greediness of my heart by now.
The street started crowding up a bit more as a bunch of shops rolled in. I slowed down my pace in accordance to the crowd. Although i had a destination in mind i also had all the time in the world to reach it so i could afford to be a bit carefree. I saw a store owner scolding his employee rather angrily, even then his light was shining brightly. After all humans are definitely full of life when they are angry and all worked up. Anger is one of the defining qualities of a human. A little up ahead on my path I saw the cafe I frequently patronize, the waitress who was cleaning up the table outside noticed me and gave me a wave. It took a lot of effort but I mustered up a smile and returned the wave. She too had a gentle steady light. The florist shop was full of dead flowers with no light whatsoever, but the vibrant colours these flowers boasted hinted at the previous glory with which they used to shine when they were alive.
This was turning out to be quite an interesting stroll as i was able to live through people vicariously. A bunch of college students walked past me, one in the centre shining brightest even though he was making a joke out of himself just to put a smile on everyone else's face. He had learnt to embrace his own farcicality and used it to his advantage. I was impressed by the achievement of this stranger that I had never known before.
The streets were fleeting with life of all sorts, the cat snoring on the wall, her light dimming and brightening slightly along with her breathing, the playing kids, the college students, the adults going about their business. Ironically enough this walk made me realise how beautiful life was, yet it also gave me a sense of alienation, like I didn't belong here.
I finally reached my destination and peeked over the bridge to see my reflection in the water, the light horribly close to disappearing completely. I saw my face and gave myself one last smile, the last smile I'd ever have to fake. I jumped. I could feel the darkness dimming out my light. The darkness was cold, colder than the water.
Death was cold.
