Looking for trouble | Vol. 2 | Jamie Bower fanfiction

30 | The spirit of Christmas

He shakes his head, "Forget it, it's nothing." My heart falls, did he hear it and realise he doesn't feel the same way anymore.

"No Jamie, not again. What is it?" it was a little odd really, we had just had a heated batch of sex against the wall and now this. We're a mess. A hot mess, but still a god damn mess. "Jamie.." I began again, but he breaks me off.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asks, his eyes unclouded. Every doubt that he might not had heard it vanishes. I can see the need and want in his eyes, the vigour in which he needs it to be true and not some cruel game of mine.

I avert my eyes to the ground and nod. "I meant it."

Silence.

My heart is hammering rapidly in my chest, as if trying to escape the cage of my ribs.

"I love you." I mutter as if to confirm his believes. I look up, a scared of what I might find. My heart is still beating rapidly in my chest. I am very much aware of my nakedness.

The smile on his face goes from ear to ear, lighting up his blue eyes. I feel a ball drop in my chest. A surprised smile stretch across my face.

"You love me?" he repeats in disbelief. I bite my lip.

I nod again, "I love you."My voice is a whisper. He takes a step closer, pressing his warm body against mine, and kisses me. the kiss, makes my knees weaken and my insides do loops.

"I love you too. So fucking much." His voice is strained with emotion and his blue eyes are slightly glassy. I wrap my hands in his hair and kiss him, his soft mouth moving expertly over mine.

"I am so sorry." I whisper, "I didn't realize it before... I just.. I was just soo fucking stupid..." if not to mention scared of my wits, I still am. I am just more scared of losing him, since I know exactly how that feels. it's not a specially jolly feeling. For whatever reason I can feel tears stinging my eyes, threatening to cascade down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry too." he mutters and I reach for him again, pulling his naked form to mine and kiss him, my arms wrapped around his shoulders. I wish we could stay like this forever, entangled in each other's arms. Naked and hot. Revelling in lightheaded goofy, love-dovey emotions. I'd like an eternity of that thank you very much.

"I love you," he repeats again, as if the words might take him to the gates of heaven. The words, for the first time doesn't scare me, or makes me want to shut him up with kisses. They make my stomach flutter with butterflies and a rosy flush creep into my cheeks.

"I love you too." I echo and we both smile like we have just won the lottery, which I suppose we have. Only small 3 months ago I would have never guessed this. Me and Jamie. It feel like I've lived a lifetime in just 3 small months. I could die right now and feel as if my time here on earth had been pretty well spent. But I have never felt more alive. He sets my heart and soul on fire, leaving me raw to him. And I trust him. I trust him to not hurt me again, and he trusts me with exactly the same thing; his heart, his love, his home.

We repeat those three little words, 'I love you, I love you, I love you,' to each other all morning, reaching for each other, holding and kissing each other, staring blindly into each other's eyes as if there is nothing else more beautiful in the world.

I realize this is all rather cheesy, but I gather, that's how it feels to love someone. At least I hope it is.

24 of December

"Jamie? What did you buy me?" Sam asks, "It have to be something good, I was in a coma." Sam is rolling around in his wheelchair trying more or less to treat the chair like a skateboard. The guy is probably heading for the ER in a matter of hours. Possibly minutes.